The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Charlie Sheen inspires me

    By William K. Wolfrum on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 8:42am | Humor & Satire, Media

    As with most mornings, I woke up and immediately perused TMZ. Because if you can't keep up with celebrity gossip, you just shouldn't be a blogger. Anyway, I was struck today by a story on TMZ about Charlie Sheen. This is not abnormal, mind you, as without Sheen and Lindsay Lohan, TMZ has nothing but blank pages. Hell, they are even going Taco Bell by combining their two favorite ingrediants into one big enchilada of addiction.

    But what struck me about Sheen today was his seriousness of purpose, which he displayed in a letter to TMZ.

    What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows ... I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.
     
    Remember these are my people ... not yours...we will continue on together...
     
    Charlie Sheen

    Some may read this as a weird, Unabomber-like manifesto. Some may see it as a cry for help from a man who never met a line of coke he wouldn't snort or a woman he wouldn't terrorize.

    As for myself, I view Sheen's letter as an inspiration. You see, friends, I understand Sheen's beef with Lorre. Because I have long had my own nemesis here at Dagblog - Genghis.

    Simply put, Genghis is a contaminated little maggot that can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. Sure, he's Mr. CNN Contributor and Mr. Hey-Look-At-Me-I-Wrote-A-Book (Editor's Note: Buy it here!), but the truth -as most of us are keenly aware - is that Genghis has become an egomaniacal madman, bent on complete and total blog domination.

    Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced my blog for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.
     
    In conclusion, let me just say "Suck it, Genghis." You are a powerless worm. What exactly do you think you're going to do anyway, suspend my blo

     

    Topics: 
    Humor & Satire
    Media

    Comments

    It's funny, I used to think the half man was the boy.


    by Donal on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 8:45am

    Right by your side, buddy.

    Now, are you doing the words, and me the fire-breathing fists? Or vicey-versa? 

    I think with Genghis, you should probably be the fire-breathing fists. I got some trash-talk saved up for Mr. Civility.


    by quinn esq on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 9:19am

    I rise to be heard in defense of Charlie--

    Not the hymie slingin charlie, nor the fire fisted charlie--those charlies are chumps.

    However,

    The charlie who stood up for Heidi Fleiss when everyone was running like rats for cover in fear of inclusion in her trick book, that Charlie had nothing but good to say about Heidi and her associates.

    Charlie, you were a stand up guy back then--you can do it again.  Ditch the booze, and smoke more weed.  Alcohol will only fuzz up your brain, shrooms, charlie, shrooms.


    by jollyroger on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 5:28am

    He may have watched his dad's performance as Captain Willard one too many times.


    by artappraiser on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 11:26pm

    oh my--I was joking--and the quoted rant really did remind me of the movie--

    but then I did a quick google and found this.


    by artappraiser on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 11:35pm

    And prominently displayed, as well...


    by jollyroger on Sun, 02/27/2011 - 5:08pm

    all i can say is that Charlie speaks for all us addicts.  Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing or not something which can be put on the good/bad continuum is for each of you to decide.


    by Elusive Trope on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 11:38pm

    People, I'm sorry that I missed this post when it was first published. I had instructed my assistants not to send me any material related to Charlie Sheen, since I find his tragic ordeal to be very personally upsetting.

    William K. Wolfrum is a very troubled individual. We would obviously prefer that he longer blog here, but we're afraid that cutting him off might provoke some kind of violent retaliation or else some unpleasant flaming and naked pictures.

    I ask you all not to encourage him by commenting on his posts, particularly posts that are over two months old.  And whatever you do, please do not visit his personal blog. It's an extraordinarily unwholesome corner of the blogosphere. Murder, mayhem, masturbation...I still have nightmares.


    by Michael Wolraich on Thu, 04/28/2011 - 6:44pm

    Uh-huh...I think you have daydreams, dude.  You might want to point out to The Author that he should check into the threads more often, though, and he'd get more goin'.  Seaton, too.  And Wattree.  Weird to have them just service (another accidental pun?) their own blogs. 


    by we are stardust on Thu, 04/28/2011 - 6:52pm

    My therapist has advised me not to communicate with The Author.


    by Michael Wolraich on Thu, 04/28/2011 - 7:04pm

    She may be right....   ;o)  Take her advice as long as she didn't ask for an introduction.  Nah.


    by we are stardust on Thu, 04/28/2011 - 7:06pm

    PS I was only able to spend much time in the threads when I had a boring job that I hated, so I could spend hours debating and messing with people. It's basically impossible now.


    by Michael Wolraich on Thu, 04/28/2011 - 7:07pm