My friends, the 2012 U.S. elections are the most important of our lives. Which is why you should give me money.

Yes, my friends, it is that time again – the time for you to decide how much you love your country by giving money to a U.S. blogger residing in Brazil. As has been proven time and again, my words reverberate around the globe and give President Barack Obama a distinct edge in his race against humanoid life form Mitt Romney. For instance, when I tweeted this:

Remember: The Republican who is now telling you Romney is right will be saying Romney lost because he “isn’t a real conservative” on Nov. 7.

More than 36 people retweeted it. According to my math, that means 52 million registered voters saw that tweet. That’s the kind of power I have. That’s the kind of sway I have.

Am I saying that I alone – through tweets and blog posts such as this – control the fate of this election? Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. And while I identify as a liberal, I’m willing to go Republican on y’all until some donations start rolling in. That’s right, I’ll stop with “witty-to-partisans-but-annoyng-to-conservatives” banter. Then where will be? Ill tell you where, in the United States of Mormon with Mitt Romney just signing anything that gets to his table.

But we needn’t worry about such things. Just give ol’ Bill a taste. That’s all I’m asking. Do that, and that President you really seem to like gets re-elected.

P.S. By the way, I will be doing my second Fox News Election Live-Blog on Nov. 6. I’ll be calling it “Fox News Election Live-Blog the Sequel.” Or something. But the 2008 live-blog was quite popular, if you remember.

Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

--WKW