SOUTH CAROLINA - Desperately trying to distance itself from the outlandish behavior of its Republican politicians, the State Tourism Board has announced an aggressive new campaign to encourage tourism.

“It was time to take the focus off the Republicans and on the state,” said Tourism Board Chairman Tim Tapper. “And we’re willing to go to any lengths to do that.”

South Carolina’s tourism has taken a nose dive in the past few months, most notably for the adulterous and bizarre behavior of Governor Mark Sanford. To make matters worse, Rep. Joe Wilson of S.C., brought scorn to himself, the party and state for screaming “liar” at Barack Obama during a Presidential address on health care reform. That is when, at a late-night meeting - the S.C. State Tourism Board decided to act.

“South Carolina: More crime than a big city, more golf than Scotland,” reads one of the new advertising slogans. Others include:

“South Carolina: Michael Phelps was busted for Pot here;”

“South Carolina: Memories to last a lifetime, provided you don’t get murdered;” and,

“South Carolina: Jesus, we’re sorry. We’re so, so sorry.”

“We decided we needed to be hyper-aggressive to get the taste of Republican out of people’s mouths when they think of our fine state,” said Tapper. “Really, we have some amazing golf here. Come with your clubs and we’ll keep the Republicans away from you.”

–WKW