Throughout my long and inglorious writing career, I have always held true to the concept that money, fame, and recognition was always secondary. Good work has always been its own reward. These words I have lived by. But no more.

You see, in slightly more than two weeks, Martin Eisenstadt will have his first book - “I Am Martin Eisenstadt: One Man’s (Wildly Inappropriate) Adventures with the Last Republicans” - hit the stands. This is the same Eisenstadt that I spent part of 2008 conclusively proving was a hoax. The one who was wrong about everything (except Sarah Palin’s $900 spray-on tan. Turns out that was true.). And he gets the book deal. To make matters worse, he mocks me - by name - throughout the book.

Well, let me tell you, I’m somewhat peeved. And I will take it no longer.

I hereby denounce Martin Eisenstadt’s upcoming book. I also denounce Martin Eisenstadt, his assistants, his family and his pets, provided he has any. Consider this a full-blanket, scorched-earth-type denouncement. I really want to have my bases covered on this. I also denounce the food he eats.

In denouncing Eisenstadt, I join a long list of conservative commentators like Debbie Schlussel who long ago denounced him. Knowing that far-right thinkers are always astute judges of character (see Bush, George W.) I believe that now is the correct time to denounce Eisenstadt.

But denouncement isn’t enough. It never is. What we need here is a full-scale preemptive strike. And I’ll let Schlussel deliver it:

“When I was a teen and worked as a summer intern on Capitol Hill, there was a fellow intern, [Martin Eisenstadt], who worked for Jack Kemp. An Orthodox Jew, [Eisenstadt] was an extremely good-looking guy on his way to becoming a rabbi. Instead, he became a liberal.”

Yes, my friends, radical right neo-con extraordinaire Martin Eisenstadt is, in fact, a liberal. He’ll deny it, but it’s something you should really keep in mind when you decide whether or not to buy his book.