CAVE 11, Pakistan – Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden, upset that his most recent video failed spectacularly, has announced plans to “retool” his show.

“When the world’s most famous terrorist sends out a video going ‘boogety, boogety , boo” you’d expect mass terror to infect the hearts of all Americans,” said bin Laden. “But Americans are fickle and demand new entertainment. We’ll do what we can.”

Bin Laden has hinted that he will begin reworking his show immediately. Already, the terrorist organization has sent out feelers to Conan O’Brien, singer Justin Bieber and actress Jennifer Aniston.

“Let’s face it, Conan got screwed by NBC. I think he could really flourish in this cave,” said bin Laden. “And Aniston, that poor girl, what does she need to do to get people to stop comparing her to Angelina Jolie.”

Bin Laden’s most recent video, entitled “We Are Responsible for the Christmas Day Attack Where That Kid Blew His Own Dick Off,” received the lowest ratings of any of his previous videos. The effort was so ill-received that many have been questioning whether he still “has it.”

“(W)ith each failure of al-Qaeda’s, and with the mess al-Qaeda has left in Afghanistan and Pakistan, it should be becoming clearer to the world that it’s time to get over bin Laden and start dealing with more serious problems,” said a story in Time Magazine.

Still, bin Laden says he still feels that he and his organization can produce work that will both entertain and terrorize.

“We’re going to do what it takes,” said bin Laden, who recently has underwent plastic surgery in order to make himself more attractive to Western audience. “If all else fails, we’ll hire Jay Leno. We hear he’ll throw anyone under the bus for the right price.”

–WKW