FLORIDA – Entering an already crowded field of contenders, golfer Tiger Woods today announced that he will be running for the U.S. Senate Seat in Florida.

“Responsibility,” said Woods. “Dignity.”

Woods will have his work cut out for him, as pretend-heterosexual Charlie Crist and pretend-fiscal conservative Marco Rubio have already been campaigning for some time.

Still, many Republican politicians believe that Woods could quickly become a star in the GOP, and that his recent admissions of repeated marital infidelities showcase that he is a true “Reagan Republican.”

“Tiger Woods is our Barack Obama,” said serial adulterer Newt Gingrich. “Where Obama stays married and loyal to his family, Tiger treats his marriage like a pit stop. Add to that he’s running on a golf platform, as well, and you can see he’s a ‘Tee bagger’ just like us.”

For his part, Woods said he did not believe that his marital woes and high number of affairs should hurt his chances of winning the tough battle to come in Florida.

“Pride,” said Woods. “Integrity.”

Other Republican adulterers, including Sen. John McCain, Sen. David Vitter and Sen. John Ensign also were quick to praise Woods.

“I had to pay for mine, but Tiger’s knocking back porn stars two at a time,” said Vitter. “That really what a Republican is all about.”

Ensign agreed, and said that Woods had one big advantage that would help him compete in the Senate.

“Let’s face it, there’s almost no way I’ll be able to cuckold Tiger Woods,” said Ensign. “Sure, I’ll try, but how do you pay off Tiger?”

McCain stated that the way Woods has handled his personal turmoil has shown he is GOP material.

“The guy has had, what, 32 affairs or so?” said McCain, who also stated he believed adulterer and white-person fan Jesse James could be a viable Senatorial candidate. “Soon, though, people won’t even remember he’s a cheater. Just like me.”

In the end, however, it comes down to Woods. Running on adultery platform could seem risky to some, but like in his golf career, he has shown himself adept at getting out of tough situations. Woods said his experiences with women and controversy make him the perfect Republican.

“Responsibility. Honor. Discipline,” said Woods. “Patriotism. Victory.”

–WKW

Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum