Ah yes the gender role issue interests me too. I've had many close gay friends in my life, yet that one question still seems to be one with an unwritten "don't ask, don't tell" rule. Except for the times when some of them have used descriptives like "he's such a nellie" in a teasing manner. It's all still a mystery. I've had some of these friends long enough to see them chose second spouses after the death of the first. In one case, I've also lost that friend to cancer and got to know the second spouse better. He's not as feminine as the first one. There are some similarities to the first spouse, but it's also like in the second "marriage," the masculine/feminine roles were switched. Heck, we can't figure out heterosexual gender roles and relationships, we talk about it all the time. The only difference with them, I figure, is that they aren't that different, just don't feel comfortable about talking about it in heterosexual company yet.