LAS VEGAS - In a shocking move by Ultimate Fighting Championship owner Dana White, President Barack Obama has been named the winner of Ultimate Fighter season 10, replacing Roy Nelson as this season’s winner.
“We feel that Obama represents all that’s good with the UFC, while Ben Nelson is a fat jerk I can’t stand,” said White. “And while Obama hasn’t accomplished anything yet in the octagon or in the world of mixed martial arts fighting, we believe his potential is so great, that by the time his first term is over, he’ll not only fix health care in the U.S. and correct the economy, but he’ll also knock out heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar in the first round.”
The Ultimate Fighter victory is the second time within six months that Obama has won a major prize without landing a punch. After winning the Nobel Peace Prize and then escalating the Afghanistan war, many UFC experts are interested in seeing what Obama does next.
“Wow, just, wow, man,” said UFC announcer Joe Rogan. “Seriously, man, wow. This is awesomely outrageous.”
While admistration officials have kept mostly quiet about what Obama should do with his new MMA glory, a brash Rahn Emanuel said what everyone was thinking.
“Think about it, Barack Obama vs. Kimbo Slice,” said Emanuel, moments aftter stopping Sen. Joe Lieberman with a left hook in a Congressional battle showed on Pay-per-View on C-Span. “With Barack against Kimbo, you get two high-profile guys with tremendous personalities. And while it`s mostly true than neither Barack or Kimbo have accomplished much of anything yet, they`ve both shown a ton of potential on YouTube. This should be a great one, if it comes off.”
Criticism from the Right was mostly muted, as TV entertainer Glenn Beck was unable to stop crying after hearing the news. Nebraska Democrat Ben Nelson stated that he would be willing to fight Obama in the Octagon, as he has tremendous Government-funded health insurance that the rest of the U.S. population doesn`t deserve.
–WKW