There are seven clear signs of depression; every Psych 101 student knows this. So does every Life Channel viewer. Well, so does every View viewer, but that is a subject for another day. These are my experiences with depression:

1. I have no money in my billfold.
2. I know something bad is going to happen so I refrain from watching the news.
3. Some very bad people go ahead and announce the bad news on their blogs so that my suspicions are confirmed.
4. I get an erection that lasts more than four hours.
5. I play 99 Luftballoons 99 times in a row on Youtube. (I mean what the hell are you supposed to do with a five hour........
6. I visit my kitchen cupboards 23 times during the day for potato chips and then realize I never buy potato chips.
7. I write some inane blog that even I am hesitant to read.

What can I do about the seven signs? Am I just to sit and wait for a box to be delivered to my door with the head of my dearly beloved?

My dolour knows no bounds

My colours pale

The hours drag on and on

This ship does not sail

So I thought, why not listen to some pick-me-up music. What better sound than Folk Music. So I turn on some good old Peter, Paul & Mary:

You read about Sampson, you read about his birth
He was the strongest man that ever lived on Earth.
One day old Sampson was walking alone
He looked down on the ground and he saw an old jaw-bone.
He lifted up that jaw-bone and he swung it over his head,
and when he got to moving ten thousand was dead.

If I had my way,
If I had my way in this wicked world,
If I had my way I would tear this building down.

So I begin to think, hey, this trio has a real point here. I mean rush, and savage, and o'reilly and the rest will win out because they always will win out. I mean here are some actual statistics concerning the make-up of this nation:

25% of all adults in this country think the earth was created in 6000 years.

25% of all adults in this country LIKE Dick Cheney.

31% of all adults in this country think w bush actually did a fine job as President.

50% of all adults in this country think that TARP Legislation was signed into law during the current administration.

70% of all adults in this country think that reality shows are fun to watch but that newspapers are not fun to read.

75% of all adults in this country just figure everything will go much better if the corporations just run everything; just do not talk about it anymore.

Add to this the fact that if Jessie Helms, Lester Maddox and Strom Thurman came back from their graves today, they could be elected senator or governor in any one of several Southern States; and you might come to the conclusion that the entire frickin building should be torn down. Hell all three would have a damn good chance in Massachusetts.

Then I remember those famous words of Alexander Pope (he came right after Pius V, I think):

WHAT IS, IS. AND WHAT IS NOT, IS NOT.

I mean we will never have universal health insurance or meaningful health care reform; we will never meaningfully redistribute wealth, opportunity or hope in this country; AND WE WILL ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS BE AT WAR.

It was then that I turned to Marlene Dietrich  for some solace:

Where have all the young girls gone, long time passing?
Where have all the young girls gone, long time ago?
Where have all the young girls gone?
Gone for husbands everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?

Where have all the husbands gone, long time passing?
Where have all the husbands gone, long time ago?
Where have all the husbands gone?
Gone for soldiers everyone
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_ptqXqjsZw&feature=related

Come on, sing along all you depressed bastards out there:

Where have all the gwaveyahds gone,

Long time passing?

(Special thanks to jonnienohands for the link to Marweena!!)