HOLLYWOOD - Star Celebrity Noteworthy Savvy Handsome Journalist Jake Tapper today defended Druidism from any that would attack the ancient mythology.

William K. Wolfrum released this statement to his supporters at 3 p.m.

"Having seen the love and admiration pouring from Conservative circles following Newt Gingrich's conversion to Catholicism, I feel it is time for me to come forward with an admission - I am a Catholic. And I always have been.

We all assumed that George W. Bush would spend the rest of his days clearing brush from his ranch in Crawford, Texas - much the way he spent his presidency.  But because of global warming there is a world wide brush shortage and W has had to find other things to occupy his time.  What you ask?  I'm so glad you asked 'cause it's hilarious - he's become a motivational speaker!

FORT COLLINS, Colo. — The parents accused of concocting a publicity stunt by pretending their young son had climbed aboard a homemade helium balloon and was hurtling through the Colorado skies will surrender to the authorities as soon as charges are filed, the lawyer for the father said Monday.

In interest of full disclosure, I love to drink.  I am in no way an unbiased party when discussing alcohol and alcohol consumption.  Happy hour is not just a phrase, it’s the happiest hour of my day.

While I find it difficult to dislike Oprah Winfrey overall, her love of pseudoscience has often grated and seemed dangerous. And now, Oprah’s love of pseudoscience has killed three people and left nearly two dozen others needing serious medical help. And that’s a little more serious.

Self-help expert and author James Arthur Ray had rented the Angel Valley Retreat Center for his five-day “Spiritual Warrior” event that culminated in a sweat lodge ceremony.

Are you a patriotic militia member that’s fighting Barack Obama’s illegal communist regime that’s forcing the U.S. into a tyrannical New World Order that will enslave us all? Are you in a band?

WASHINGTON — In a press conference by the nation’s business leaders and a smattering of government officials, it was announced that everything bought over the past seven years has been immediately recalled, and that all personal information held by all businesses had been lost.

So last Sunday I was thinking: could Chris Berman be a political talking head in this country? And would he be any worse than the natterers on cable news, or the morning shows? I mean, Berman is clearly a silly and shallow blowhard, but that never stopped Tim Russert.

My suspicion, fully borne out this week by l'affaire Limbaugh, is that sports are treated far more seriously in this country than politics are, especially by our media. That a comment on the state of our political press and on our national priorities.

In early August, I began working on a book to document a growing sense of paranoia among right-wing conservatives. At the time, the media was fairly quiet on the subject. With the exception of liberal blogs (ahem), no one paid much attention to the wild rhetoric of the tea parties and occasional paranoid outbursts from commentators like Rush Limbaugh and politicians like Michelle Bachman.

TUPELO, Miss. — It was a day of happiness at the Johnson household today, as youngest son Timmy, 4, was named chief operating officer of the SEC enforcement division.

“We always knew Timmy would do great things,” said his mother, Sandra Johnson. “He’s always been really good with numbers.”

Just because Louisiana Justice of the Peace Keith Bardwell refuses to let interracial couples marry doesn't mean that he's a racist. He just doesn't believe in "mixing the races that way," which raises the question, in what way does he believe in mixing the races? Native American-Tibetan? They both have a brownish hue and wear colorful traditional costumes, so maybe that's OK. Or perhaps he means that the races can mix in other ways. They can be bridge partners, for instance.

FORT COLLINS, Colo. — A homemade helium weather balloon got loose from the Republican National Committee headquarters today, leading authorities on a cross-country chase after Republicans insisted that their plans for health care reform were on board.

“All of our plans, like tort reform, just took off and flew away,” said RNC Chairman Michael Steele. “I don’t know how they got in there, but our plans are now up in the air. Including tort reform.”

Abraham the wandering Jew moved south again to the Negev, where he frequently visited the city of Gerar in the land of the Philistines.

Commentary: The Great Rabbi Ezekiel Bezekiel has written, "The Torah does not say why Abraham visited Gerar, but doubtless it was for a holy purpose known to God." Holy purpose my hairy Hebrew hiney. Read on, friends, read on.

We all love bacon, that’s not to dispute, but has this country gone overboard in it’s zeal for bacon?  I asked the almighty Google and the answer was a resounding yes in the form of the amazing amount of bacon related products that are available.  Below are just a few pictures of images found when one googles “bacon.”
 

Where I’m from “bacon briefcase,” has a different meaning.
 

According to a new book entitled Ghosts Caught on Film 2, a photograph taken in front of Jim Morrison’s tomb in Paris shows the ghost of Jim Morrison; you can tell it’s him be cause the ghost looks sexy and brooding.   Predictably, paranormal websites are treating this photo as proof of the existence of ghosts. Equally predictably, this raises my ire.