WASHINGTON – In a bold effort to try and combat the far-right conservatives George W. Bush nominated to the U.S. Supreme Court, President Barack Obama today announced that he is nominating actor Sean Penn to the SCOTUS seat soon to be vacated by Justice Paul Stevens.

“Over the past decade we have seen the Supreme Court move decidedly right of center,” said Obama. “We feel that Justice Sean Penn will help even things out.”

Citing his work in such films as “Fast Times as Ridgemont High” and “Shanghai Surprise,” Obama lauded his choice as a “Great American.”

“In the United States, having differences of opinions is what makes this nation great,” said Obama. “And Mr. Penn has a wide-range of different opinions. Plus, he was just great as Jeff Spicoli.”

Penn, the President of the Hugo Chavez Fan Club, has long been a vocal critic of American policies both home and abroad. Penn stated that he would not allow his critics to define his position as a Supreme Court Justice.

“You know, do I hope that those people die screaming of rectal cancer?” said Penn. “Yeah. You know, but I’m not going to spend a lot of energy on it.”

No one from the Republican Party has yet to comment on the nomination of Penn, as the entire party had either collapsed in a catatonic state, or were hospitalized from having multiple stroke-lettes.

TV show entertainer Glenn Beck attempted to comment on his show, but was forced to cancel the broadcast after he swallowed his own tongue.

–WKW

Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles