March 12, 2009, 8:01AM

Ulysses had been trapped by the Cyclops in a cave who began eating his friends in a most unprofessional manner. But our hero devised a plan as to how he was going to escape from the cave and from the island where the cave was situated.

As part of his plan, and this Greek planned ahead, believe me, not like these financial experts, especially the ones left holding the bag on these bundles...but that is another story.

The first part of the plan was to misdirect Polyphemus. So when the Cyclops inquired as to our hero's real name, Ulysses responded: I AM NO ONE.  Ulysses knew that the Cyclops would have more reason to believe him if he responded in capital letters. The Greek used this ruse because he predicted that if he ever were to escape, Polyphemus might track him down by looking him up in Facebook or some such device and hunt him down later. Polyphemus might also notify the authorities or begin civil proceedings against the Greek at a later date.

Now, Ulysses did escape by stabbing the monster in his one eye (most people realize that the Odyssey could never be written today because it makes fun of handicapped monsters and those who go through life half-blind) and hanging onto sheep in a rather scandalous manner proscribed by some laws noted in Exodus. As the Greek was escaping with his friends who had not been eaten, the Cyclops yelled loudly to his comrades who were positioned very far away. Something like the first use of a telephone.
                            
The Monster's friends called out:

WHO HAS HARMED YOU POLYPHEMUS?

You had to call out in capital letters in order to be heard. Anyway, the Cyclops replied:

NO ONE HAS DONE THIS THING TO ME!!!

And so his friends, misunderstanding a proper name to be a denial of any assault by a third party returned to their own cannibalistic practices. (Although, if one is a cyclops, and proceeds to ingest the flesh of a human, is it really cannibalism? It was issues that this that initiated the Classical Period of the Greeks centuries later)

At any rate, this was the first example in human history of man using an alias for his own purposes.

Which brings us to the  Universal Canon of Ethical Blogging Number 4:

                          THE EARLY WARNING SYSTEM

4. Own your comment. Only registered Typepad users who have been approved by the host are allowed to post comments without moderation. Newly-registered users or those who haven't recently commented might see their first comment held for review. If so, send an email to [email protected] to expedite review and post future comments without delay. There are very few reasons why the host might not approve a new commenter, such as supplying a fake email address, impersonating others, trying to return after being banned or devising a screen name clearly meant to insult another commenter or the blog community as a whole. See Typepad's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information about the responsibilities and rights of approved commenter on this blog. To register with Typepad, simply click "Sign in to comment on this entry" above the comment box at the end of the Comments section (to reach the section, click "Comments" in the byline below the headline of Craig's latest entry).

 

Now referring back to our Greek example, one might think, if it is good enough for Ulysses, it is good enough for me. But the rules must be different on the netwebblogosphere unless, of course, your friends are being eaten. I mean who is going to blame you in the end if you lied about your true identity in order to escape being eaten?

REMEMBER, for every rule there is an exception.  And that your Honor, is the case for the defense.

Now comes the laborious task of parsing this rather long rule which is why I skipped it in the first place until I remembered the story of Ulysses and then.....

1.  Apparently, if you follow the identification rules contained in this Canon, you may comment anytime you wish about anything. As long as it is in compliance with all the other rules, but let us not become pedantic because we will never get through these rules.

2.  If you are new to the site, there will be a 'screening process'. Now that is important. We all must undergo screening processes. And sometimes they are good.  I recall when I was conducting tests in 2000 to screen aspiring employees for the grand census, a woman came in with dark glasses and a seeing eye dog. We administered the test in brail to the lady and everything went fine. (You see, plan for the unexpected) Following the examination I was cleaning up and I happened to look out the window into the parking lot and the lady opened a car door and the dog entered. Why was this out of the ordinary. Well she proceeded to get into the car herself AND DROVE AWAY. Now if the DMV had provided a real screening process, perhaps the roads would be safer.  THIS IS A TRUE STORY. I know, you are thinking this schmuck lies all the time, but this is a true story.

After 'surfing' the netwebblogosphere for five months, I would have thought there was no screening going on at all.  Believe it or not, there still are a few blog sites that will not print my comments immediately. Hahahahahahaaha. Don't tell Josh.

You can understand why some sites like Trail Mix might wish to take some precautions as they do here at TPM.

3.  They do allow you to Email something to them, requesting an exemption from the early warning system.    

4.   Why would you be denied access in the first place?

•     A. If you choose to supply a fake email address.  This puzzles me. If you email  me something, is there not a return address? The sites computer would surely inform then that this email address is some subterfuge?
•     B. Impersonating others. I can understand this problem. When I go to the bank and attempt to access someone else's account, hypothetically speaking, they usually ask  me-I mean they would hypothetically ask me-to show some sort of ID and they never accept a library card. How fair is that. I mean if the library is going to trust you to take their big tomes home for weeks you thing that the bank would gladly accept the word  of the librarian. After all she is professional and....but I digress.    Driver's license, ha if  they let blind people drive why on earth would you rely on the DMV over a librarian.   I'm just saying.  Oh and do not use the names of famous people because they check  those names real close. I mean, why would they not believe that I really was Perry       Como? I mean how would they know? Ha. I think they were just discriminating against  Italian people anyway.
•     C. Banned. If you have already been banned, you cannot come back. It is kind of like  when you commit a felony you cannot vote. That is because you lost your civil rights. I  mean, how was I to know that Felix had a gun, we were just going to shoplift up to the limits of a misdemeanor charge and.....ah who needs to vote for the school board   anyway.
•     D. The name. If you wish to blog here, it would be rather stupid to use a name like TPM  SUCKS THE BIG ONES. Besides, other commenters might feel that you are attempting to cast aspersions upon them. YOU ARE A POOPY PANTS might not   work either. Especially if you were to find some avatar commensurate with the  message. Or QUINN DESPISES LITTLE PUPPY DOGS, this might be considered a personal attack on an individual.

The rest of the rule really is meaningless to me. I will say that Typepad used to show up all the time for me. It took me a month before I could sign in on a regular basis. I had been to fifty blogs and was using different names like IMNOONE. Geez, I wonder where I got that one. Of course at some sites there were already scores of IMNOONE' believe it or not. I am never half as clever as I think I am. At any rate, I kept forgetting what my 'sign in' name was at all these sites. That is why I just use my real name now. I only forget that once in a while.

But fellow TPMers. Give us your thoughts about this rule and keep your comments down to 70,000 characters if you might. Scroll memory again!!

 http://blogs.cqpolitics.com/trailmix/commenting-guide.html

 December, 2009:

I think this canon might touch upon our spam issue here.