Today is the one we have been dreading for months. The one when we will lose our friend. Our companion. Our "furry" child. The one who loves us when we are our most unlovable. The one who is always there at the end of a tough day.

She has bladder cancer, and even after surgery to remove the tumor, we knew it was just a matter of time. She lasted longer than they thought she would. We knew every day might be the last, and we made them all count. We went for her favorite walks where she checked out the smells to see what other critters were roaming around the neighborhood, and made us laugh as she hiked herself up to the tops of the bushes to pee so the other dogs would think she was bigger than she was...not so much the last few days. Walking had become a chore, the smells not nearly so interesting.

We made her favorite meals, which she promptly threw up...instead of searching the yard for voles, she just did her business and wanted back in; tucked into her fluffy bed and covered with her blanket the only place she wanted to be.

She snuggles us in our bed at night...she is still able to find comfort in our closeness, but her zest for life is gone, and it is time to let her go.

We rescued her as a puppy, 13 years ago. We walked up on a pen where the humane society had dogs for adoption. My husband looked at her. She looked at him. I noticed the exchanged and asked, "do I need my checkbook?"  He said yes, and that was that, we had a third dog. When we lost our last two pals, she was there to love us through it. But she is the last.

The vet is coming tonight. He will set her free while we cradle her in our arms. My heart is breaking.

It will be awhile before we rescue another. The pain is just too great right now. But, I don't see us going through life without a furry child. When the time is right, we will find another. Our new love will never fill the holes left by the ones we have loved and lost, but she will make the hurt a little less. Until then? We'll get by. We will get by. But right now, I can't see how.