I am a born mediator. I don't know if this is a curse or a blessing. I can see both sides of most issues, and have few beliefs that are set in concrete. I put myself in the other people's shoes, try to look at it from their perspective and often come to a compromise in my own mind. On any given subject I start out feeling one way, then as I get more information my feelings "develop," sometimes in the most unexpected direction. I guess to some, this makes me wishy washy, but I consider it realistic. I would rather change my position than defend something I no longer find defensible.

I also am usually slow to anger (my husband would dispute this claim, but he knows all my launch codes  and uses them far too regularly, so he doesn't count.) I think the mediator/slow to anger things are related, something to do with being able to understand another's point of view making it less likely that you'll flame out...we'd have to ask Thera about that.

So, anyway, for quite some time now, I've been working up what my son calls "a case of the ass"  ...a situation where you find yourself so pissed off you can barely think. When I start to feel one of these episodes coming on, my default reaction is to think about all the positives involved, which usually defuses my anger and then I can proceed with a rational discussion with myself. 

That strategy isn't working this time. In fact, I'm having such a hard time coming up with positives that I'm bringing it to you guys, so you can (as Rachel would say) "talk me down."

So here's my problem. "US." Not individuals, but the collective "we" that make up America. There are plenty of good people in this country. If I ever doubted that, being here at TPM would have shown me differently. We are radically different in our thinking sometimes, but there is no doubt that many really good people post here. And so it is in the larger population. But as a whole? Our country? We're a mess.  Much of it is the fallout from the previous administration, but some of it we've been bringing on ourselves for a long time.

My "case of the ass" started out as a mishmash of thoughts about the country circling the drain financially and ethically, wandered through the minefields of racism and religion, and, after "breathing" as Missy suggested last night, seems to have settled on what it means to be a Patriotic American. (BTW for those of you who already have trouble sleeping, going to bed with a half started rant on your blog entry page DOES NOT contribute to better sleep!)

To some, being a "Patriotic American" is nothing more than the bumper sticker philosophy of "America: Love it or leave it."  In order to be patriotic, you just have to accept and defend everything "she" says or does. Attack Iraq just because we want to? No problem. Torture? If it gets us what we want, why not? Allow financial institutions to rape, pillage and plunder our financial futures (as well as the rest of the world's,) then have the taxpayers pay their way out of bankruptcy to the tune of billions, slap them on the wrist, then allow them to continue business as usual? No problem. Stand by and watch as millions go without affordable health care, children living in abject poverty, our educational standards going down the toilet because it is just too expensive to educate poor/minority children? No problem. Allow lobbyists to "own" our elected officials? No problem. Vilify a black candidate for President as a terrorist, Muslim, probably not even a citizen? No problem. Hope his Presidency fails? Hell yes! California going down the tubes...oh well..."You don't want to pay higher taxes? We'll show you what small government looks like and see how well you like it, meanwhile so many are going to suffer. Why should we politicians have to work together to make your lives easier? We have our jobs, our health insurance...Suckers!" (Watch out you rest of America...you are following in our footsteps!) There are just so many issues lately that really have me mad.

It's all gotten me to wondering just exactly what it is that we Americans have to be so proud of (Outside of liberating a continent, but hey, that is getting to be pretty ancient history to be resting on THOSE laurels these days.)  Where did the arrogance of the last administration come from? Why is this Congress (the best chance we've had for progressive movement in decades) taking it's sweet time giving ANY indication it is going to make meaningful change, even though it was handed the mandate to do so? Certainly none of the above behavior makes me feel proud, and I can add much much more to the list...In fact, I was having a hard time coming up with much we should be proud of.

And then it hit me. What we have to be proud of is that we don't HAVE to accept or agree with everything she (America) says and does to love her. We have the RIGHT, no, the OBLIGATION to speak up when we see her behaving badly.  Sticking to the bumper sticker mentality..."America: change it or lose it." Much like with raising our children, if we love them (substitute America) we have the obligation to correct their behavior and guide them into being responsible citizens. There are very few places in the world where this is true. In spite of everything wrong with our country, we are FREE.

So yeah, the country is pretty much FUBAR'd at the moment. It is almost impossible not to be EXTREMELY pissed off at what our leaders are doing right now. It is almost impossible to not to be EXTREMELY pissed off at what many of our fellow Americans are thinking, saying and doing right now. But we are FREE to speak our minds. We are FREE to use our speech to attempt to change hearts and minds. We are FREE to attempt to change our country's course. We are FREE to become the compassionate world leaders we are capable of being. And using that freedom makes us Patriotic Americans. Accepting what we have now is not patriotic. It's just stupid.

Well...I feel better. I think I talked myself down. Thanks for listening.