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    Your (Canadian) Tax Dollars at Work or When Zombies Attack

    By Orlando on Tue, 08/18/2009 - 9:19pm | Potpourri

    If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation (sic) unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

    This according to an article at the BBC Web site that reports on a scientific paper written by researchers in Canada. It’s almost as if Bob and Doug MacKenzie were unleashed on an unsuspecting university math department.

    The researchers say that, although they realize that zombies are not real, their findings could have real world applications in fighting infectious diseases. They also say “the key difference between the zombies and the spread of real infections is that ‘zombies can come back to life.'”

    I’m certainly glad that Canada is on the case, protecting me from these imaginary fiends, because if zombies were real, and I was bitten by one, I doubt my health insurance would cover it.

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    Up here, not only do you get free treatment if bitten by a zombie, so does the zombie. And if your doctor writes a note attesting you're infected with zombieism, you get two weeks' paid leave from work. A really understanding doctor will write you a prescription for medicinal marijuana.

    Sweet. Now if only they let us openly carry guns. I guess you can't have everything.


    by acanuck on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 3:08am

    If you'd actually read the report, you'd realize that guns are not the answer. Machetes are. You need to decapitate the zombies to be truly sure they're dead.

    P.S. If you outlaw machetes, only outlaws will have machetes.


    by Nebton on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 9:09am

    Nunchuks are also effective. They work on regular Canadians as well. Unfortunately, New York state's nunchuk ban has resulted in an influx of French-speaking Canadian zombies, who have been taking jobs away from hardworking Mexicans.


    by Michael Wolraich on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 12:13pm

    Why stop at studying the effect of imaginary zombies?  What about zombies that happen to be imaginary themselves, i.e. superheros?  Stan Lee was way ahead of the curve on this one:


    by Larry Jankens on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 12:13pm

    Wired covered this as well and, especially after having attending a "town hall meeting" last night, I've been itching to use this quote:

    “Clearly, this is an unlikely scenario if taken literally,” they wrote. “But possible real-life applications may include allegiance to political parties, or diseases with a dormant infection.”

    I now have a working theory.


    by DF on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 12:44pm

    Barney Frank doesn't need nunchucks or guns to kill zombies. Just a good, old fashioned "WTF is your problem." The woman looks utterly humiliated, as she should.

    Watch: http://tpmtv.talkingpointsmemo.com/?id=3230837&ref=fpblg


    by Orlando on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 1:14pm

    On the bright side, at least they weren't using real dollars.


    by Nebton on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 12:51pm