The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age
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    My Life is Empty Without Terror Alerts

    By Michael Wolraich on Thu, 01/27/2011 - 6:51pm | Politics

    I am sad to report that the Department of Homeland Security has announced plans to scrap the beloved five-level, color-coded terrorism advisory system in favor of a new two-tiered system that may or may not have colors.

    To many Americans, the Homeland Security Advisory System has long been a force of comfort and guidance.

    For the past nine years, I have woken up each day and immediately raced to the computer to find out if the security level had finally dropped from yellow (significant risk of terrorist attacks) to blue (general risk of terrorist attacks).

    I have a bottle of champagne and some blow horns prepared for the occasion. I used to have blue helium balloons, too, but they shriveled back in 2004. Of course, I never expected to reach green (low risk of terrorist attacks) in my lifetime. Green is a utopian ideal to aspire toward like world peace or a cure for baldness.

    Read the full article at CNN.com

    Topics: 
    Politics

    Comments

    Perhaps dag should determine terror alert status. We could certainly come up with better colors, and we could use Genghis' shirt.


    by Donal on Thu, 01/27/2011 - 6:58pm

    Great idea...

    Green: Troll alert

    Pink: Spam!

    Maroon: Meta-thread

    Orange: Possible plagiarism

    Yellow: Yet another Wikileaks thread

    Gray: MEGASHARK!!!


    by Michael Wolraich on Thu, 01/27/2011 - 7:11pm

    The MPAA should be in charge of the replacement.

     

    G - attack for all victims.

    PG - attack inappropriate for some children.

    PG-13: attack inappropriate for children under 13.

    R: All adult audiences under attack but children under 17 must be attacked alongside a parent or guardian.

    NC-17: No attacking anyone undr 17 under any circumstances.

    X: Are you that terrorism I ordered? (Cue porn music).  This attack is going to be so thick...


    by Michael Maiello on Thu, 01/27/2011 - 7:30pm

    XXX - My friend, or maybe the football team, is going to help me attack ...


    by Donal on Thu, 01/27/2011 - 7:37pm

    OY !!! You really do need to get a life ! Empty without terror alerts ? Spending far too much time in Word.


    by cmaukonen on Thu, 01/27/2011 - 7:37pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_5DDkUFx3I

    My terror's empty without hue, babe...


    by LisB on Fri, 01/28/2011 - 2:21am

    What about if we just used a giant erection? To denote various states of national exhaustion... boredom... stimulation... excitement... kimbasinger... overexcitement... war.


    by quinn esq on Fri, 01/28/2011 - 10:54am

    We've already got that. Unfortunately, it's always at level "war".


    by Verified Atheist on Fri, 01/28/2011 - 11:16am

    Wow. No wonder nobody ever argues with you guys. 


    by quinn esq on Fri, 01/28/2011 - 12:55pm