(The group had found themselves awash in tears, someone had to stand up and propose a manner in which they could find themselves dry again)

At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them, called out, `Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'll soon make you dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.

`Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, `are you all ready? This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! The Constitutional Convention was in much disarray. This colony wanted these assurances and that colony wished to have those assurances.

The delegate from the great commonwealth of  Massachusetts stood up and proclaimed in a statement directed at the delegate from South Carolina:

You claim that the Negro is not a human being, do you not?

Why of course the Negro is not a human being like you or I which is why he is so much better off as a slave to be cared for by his superior white master, responded the Carolinian.

That is all well and good my dear comrade, and of course you and yours would never allow him to vote, proposed the Massachusetts braggart.

Of course we would not let a Negro vote any more than you would allow your horses or your cows or your fowl to vote, said Carolina.

Well as we develop these Congressional Districts and properly number the seats in our new House of Representatives, are we to count how many horses, how many cows and how many fowl reside in a District? replied Massachusetts.

IT’S NOT THE SAME THING, IT’S NOT THE SAME THING. YOU ARE ATTEMPTING ONCE AGAIN TO DIMINISH THE POWER OF THE SOUTHERN STATES AND INCREASE THE POWER OF THE NORTHERN STATES BY ATTEMPTING A THEFT A SORTS.

A theft? inquired Massachusetts.

Yes a theft, plain and simple. Some portions of our state contain as many Negroes as citizens. You sir are attempting to punish us for our way of life. You sir are attempting to punish us because your Negro population is so sparse. You sir are attempting to punish us for our prosperity, for our industry, implored Carolina.

Oh, once again your livestock are to be given recognition as citizens so that you may achieve more power in the House. Do you seriously think that we should allow this masquerade, cried Massachusetts?

`Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.

`I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: `Did you speak?'

`Not I!' said the Lory hastily.

`I thought you did,' said the Mouse. `--I proceed.

Well the tone of the debate became uglier and uglier until Mr. Wilson and Mr. Sherman found it advisable…

`Found what?' said the Duck.

`Found it,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: `of course you know what "it" means.'

`I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said the Duck: `it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did Mr. Wilson  and Mr. Sherman find?'

The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, `"--found it advisable to proffer what is now known as the Three-Fifths Compromise:

The three-fifths compromise is found in Article 1, Section 2, Paragraph 3 of the United States Constitution:

Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons

`I feel as wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: `it doesn't seem to dry me at all.'

(Hats off to Mr. Carroll @
http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~rgs/alice-table.html)


ANALYSIS

BECK: Yesterday -- or was it today? I don't even know. It was yesterday that they read the Constitution in Congress. It was today? Read the Constitution in Congress. And it was -- no, it was -- they edited the Constitution, not for time, but because they didn't want to offend anyone. And parts of it were outdated. You got to be kidding me. This, we're getting from the Republicans. Hmm. Parts of it are outdated and parts of it are offensive.

The three-fifths clause was offensive, and so they didn't do it. This shows such a -- either lack of understanding of our history, who the Founders were, what the Constitution says, or it is just cowardice in Washington. Three-fifths clause. African-Americans: three-fifths in the South, three-fifths of a human being. That's an outrage, unless you know why they put that in there. They put that in there because if slaves in the South were counted as full human beings, they could never abolish slavery. They would never be able to do it. It was a time bomb.
Progressives should love that. It was a way to take a step to abolish slavery. It is a tremendous story about our Founders, about the genius of the Constitution -- but that might offend some people, so they skipped it. They skipped it. That's offensive to me. [Fox News' Glenn Beck, 1/6/10]
http://mediamatters.org/research/201101100039

EXPERT: My goodness -- Glenn Beck got it completely wrong. They put [the three-fifths clause] there because delegates from the Southern states would never have agreed to the Constitution unless some weight was given to their slave populations in the apportionment of representation. They wanted slaves counted 100%, but when they saw that they could not get that, they settled for 3/5. The practical effect of that, far from making easier to abolish slavery, made it more difficult. It gave added weight to southern political power in Congress, it inflated Southern power in the apportioning of electoral votes, which led to a succession of Southern presidents. Ironically, the best thing that could have been done with respect to making it easier to abolish slavery would have been to have given slaves NO weight in the apportioning of representation.
Beck's comments are so depressingly typical of those who cite the Constitution to defend their views without having any understanding of the Constitution's history [emphasis added
http://mediamatters.org/research/201101100039


EPILOGUE

Glenn Beck attacking Matthews for attacking Bachmann:

"You sir, are a balloon head that was taught by a balloon head and all you did because you're a balloon head was sit in your stupid balloon head Ivy League classroom and be indoctrinated by a balloon head and never ever used your balloon head to ask an intelligent question of the balloon head in the tweed jacket! You self-sanctimonious, self-important balloon head, America has had enough. Do your own homework."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/28/glenn-beck-chris-matthews-bachmann_n_8...

NOW WHO IS ALL WET HERE?