Jonathan Swift

It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into.

Leno, whom I cannot bear to watch anymore, used to do a gig on Monday Nights simply quoting funny and ironic items from newspapers and such. One of his segments would duplicate police blotters in sections of the news that related to police activities during the week.

Huffpo has its own section on Police Blotters:

Police responded to a report of two dogs running loose and attacking ducks at 1:38 AM. The investigating officer cited the dog owner under the applicable Leash Laws. The duck refused treatment and left the area according to police records.

You see how this goes. The police are making their own jokes in the middle of the night or people are proven to be extremely moronic:

A deputy responded to a complaint that someone was vandalizing mail boxes in the area of 10^th Street South; the officer concluded that the vandal was a mail man. Or

A man came to the Sheriff's Department to inquire as to how he might legally kill someone who was harassing him. Or

Dispatch report of a Swanson Chicken Pie running east on Clay Street. Or

Suspicious people were doing strange things with flashlights in the area of 16^th & Pleasant avenue on the North Side. A deputy checked and found that the people were not suspicious but merely Canadians attempting to figure out where they were.

And of course the ultimate question is always: How can people be so goddamn stupid?

Well a dog licks its arse from time to time.

And why does a dog lick its arse from time to time?

The answer is always, always, always: Because it can!

I came across a series of police blotters that have not been reported in the Lamestream Media, gleaning them from newspapers and blogs all across this wonderful nation!

GRANDPA DIED LAST WEEK

Homeless man reports that there are hundreds, maybe thousands of people working in the area of a location known as Wall Street running from Broadway to South Street on the East River; specifically denoting its center in a downtown Manhattan neighborhood, who made-off with all of his pension funds.

Following interviews with scores of employees from that area, the police arriving on the scene came to the conclusion after careful investigation that either everybody employed in this Wall Street neighborhood was guilty of perpetrating a multitude of felonies or the pensioner should be interviewed by a county psychiatrist.

The pensioner was taken into custody for a psychiatric evaluation.

http://leftriteleft.blogspot.com/2011/04/senator-levin-matt-taibi-elliot...

xxx

I'D ASK HIM WHAT THE MATTER WAS BUT I KNOW THAT HE WON'T TALK.

Police received a report that a Congressman sponsored legislation that funded charities that he had incorporated thereby depriving the complainant of the opportunity to bid for these monies.

Police duly investigated the Office of this Congressman and came to the conclusion that every body in Congress was doing it and charged the complainant with criminal libel. Arraignment is set for Monday the 12^th.

xxxx

I HOPE YOU ARE SATISFIED!

Police were informed that a Black man was being attacked by a White woman in a gated community in the municipality of Windermere, Florida with a 9 iron after he had crashed an expensive van into a fire hydrant located on the street facing his home.

Police charged the Black man with miscegenation and the woman was taken into custody for a psychiatric evaluation.

 xxx

TO BE CAUGHT WITHOUT A TICKET AND BE DISCOVERED BENEATH THE TRUCK!

Police were called to a neighborhood bordering the suburb of Edina, Minnesota for a report of a van parked on a mall parking lot. It was discovered upon investigation that the owner of the van was sleeping with her 6 year old son in the back of the vehicle. Upon further investigation by the county officials it was determined that the mother had illegally enrolled her boy into an exclusively white school without paying property taxes.

The owner of the van was charged with child endangerment, tried and sentenced and promptly executed on the lawns behind the courthouse. The whereabouts of the minor is unknown.

xxx

How much do you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice?

An African-American was reportedly lingering with intent to loiter in front of a Trump Property Apartment located in Manhattan South with a sign indicating that the landlord discriminated against him after denying the protester a lease on one of the condos located therein; following an intense investigation by the officers duly notified; the hobo was duly taken into custody and charged with Intent to do Damage to our fair city.

xxxx

THE SENATOR CAME DOWN HERE SHOWING EVERYONE HIS GUN!

Police were called to an accident scene on the George Washington Parkway involving a driver reportedly driving erratically into the rear end of another vehicle. Upon arriving at the scene it was discovered that the suspect was a Justice of the United States Supreme Court. The complainant was taken into custody and charged as an enemy combatant.

Xxx

To be discovered without a ticket and found underneath the truck

Police were notified of happenings at the area of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The complainant reported that the occupant had no Constitutional Authority to reside at that address. Upon further investigation it became clear to the investigating officer that the individual had recently received severe head trauma and referred the complainant to a local ER. http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2011/04/25/trump-claims-obama-birth-certificate-missing/

Police received a dispatch that the post office had been stolen and the mail box was locked:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZnNS1iNuDM

You see you are just like me, I hope you are satisfied!

Previous attempt at chaos can be found @ http://onceuponaparadigm.wordpress.com/