From The Tearjerker:

Emanuel Back on the Ballot

An eleted Rahm Emanuel celebrated today's Illinois Supreme Court reversal of a lower-court ruling that might have prematurely derailed his Chicago mayoral campaign.

"Today's decision is a victory not only for this campaign, but for all Chicagoans and for middle fingers everywhere," he said.

Meanwhile, the Tearjerker has learned that the lower court judge whose opinion was reversed has removed his three children from area private schools and has hired three full-time bodyguards.

"I wouldn't say the guy is f***ing retarded.  But he is f****ing vengeful. Or maybe he just has an anger management problem.  I ain't takin' no chances," said Judge William Lipsky.

In other Chicago-area news, John Stone, fired from his car salesman job Monday in suburban Oak Lawn for wearing a Green Bay Packers' tie the day after the Packers' victory over their longtime rival, da Bears, has issued an apology of sorts to his former employer.  "I think his asking me to take the tie off was f****ing retarded, to tell you the truth.  But I should have just taken it off.  It's his business, after all," said Stone, since hired by a Homewood dealership. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41256855

Political commentator Michael Lind, who has written on the recent resurgence of primitivism in the United States, had little to say when invited to elaborate on the recent events.  "Between the treatment of Bears' quarterback Jay Cutler following Sunday's game, the Packer tie guy getting fired and the court decisions on Emanuel's candidacy, events are making my case for me," he said, adding "With all the unrest in the Middle East of late, I'm thinking of extending my thesis to apply to the rest of the world as well."

Beloved dagblogger Orlando, sipping a marguerita on a beach in Indonesia, thinks Lind and others are making too much of the recent events.  "F*** is my favorite word.  I don't see what the big deal is," she said.

 

(yes, all snark in case it wasn't obvious, except for the part about Stone getting hired by a Homewood dealership...)