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    Corporate Person CIGNA named Obama's new Health Care Reform Czar


    WASHINGTON - The Health Insurance Corporate Person CIGNA has accepted the position of "Health Care Reform Czar," White House officials have confirmed. The Corporate Person will take over the job as the Obama Administration gets ready for its final push on health care reform.

    "We believe the expertise that CIGNA brings to the table will be invaluable," said Obama Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. "This is an entity that truly understands what the American health care system is all about."

    Recent Big Brother winner Jordan Lloyd will physically represent CIGNA during official meetings ("she has a really nice face," said sources), and the Corporate Person will have oversight over the entire health care reform debate.

    "What's most important to both Democrats and Republicans is that Health Care Corporate People continue to thrive," said Sen. Clair McCaskill (D). "We will do what ever it takes to mandate that all people pay these Health Care Corporate People."

    Still, many say current corporate personhood laws are confusing, and that there is the appearance of conflict in CIGNA's new job. At a press conference, Lloyd said there was no reason to think CIGNA had any conflict of interest in the health care reform debate.

    "Oh that's just silly," said a smiling Lloyd, who coyly said "no comment" when ABC political reporter Jake Tapper asked if she was going to be dating Jeff outside the house.

    Most Democrats and Republicans have thus far praised the Obama Administration for giving CIGNA the Health Care Reform Czar position.

    "This gives us the structure we need," said Senate Finance Chairman Max Baucus (D). "This will only strengthen the mandate, and make it simpler just to funnel money straight to these corporate people who do God's work."

    Other health care corporate people have come forward with their approval, as well.

    "This is really a smart move by Obama, and a great move for America," said Corporate Person Kaiser Permanente - as portrayed by actress Angie Harmon. "This is health care reform that all corporate persons can get behind."


    Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles


    This would be hilarious, if it weren't so scary. The only upside I see is that if the Supreme Court grants personhood to corporations, then a corporation can be arrested and jailed if and when they commit crimes.

    It might be the only case where I could actually support the death penalty…

    How does the saying about corporations go?  Something like they "have no soul to burn and no body to incarcerate"?

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