If a Sea Turtle could, it would murder you with its bare hands. And liberal environmentalists would like nothing more than to allow this ancient species to gain the power they’ve always slowly plotted.

Sea Turtles are often portrayed as wise, harmless keepers of the deep. But such a description couldn’t be further from the truth. The fact is this – Sea Turtles are monstrous man-eaters that make Great White Sharks look like otters.

Well in an unexpected move to prove his manliness and tough guy persona,  Mitt Romeny has come out in favor of nuclear proliferation.

CLEVELAND – Citing potential “National Security Issues,” President Barack Obama today ordered all media to stay 2,000 feet away from basketball superstar LeBron Jame

We are all so incredibly lucky to witness the inception of Beck University! Beck University has exactly two employees and Beck, the employese being a strange PhD named Dr. Stoner.

Whatever LeBron James does, or doesn’t do in the next few days will be the most important thing or non-thing ever.

Factoid

LeBron James and Tiger Woods share the same birthday – Dec. 30.

Jack Welch – former CEO of General Electric, Net worth, $720 million – had this to Tweet recently:

I wish the President would stop dividing us..Every day he has a new villain..bank execs, insurance companies, doctors, hedgefund managersetc

It’s a Hot Dog!

Odd News

Eating Anarchy: Competitive eater Joey “Jaws” Chestnut won the annual Coney Island “Stuff your Face With Hot Dogs” thing, his fourth victory in the event. Chaos later ensued, when legendary eater Takeru Kobayashi – who is starting his own eating league, I think – crashed the party and was later arrested. Dear Lord, we are stupid people.

For a moment in the first round of their UFC 116 Main Event, following a Shane Carwin right uppercut, the much ballyhooed Brock Lesnar reacted badly. The big man, obviously ultra-aware of the power in Carwin's hands, staggered away like a hurt animal, looking vulnerable. Carwin jumped on the chance but couldn't ground-and-pound a dazed Lesnar into submission, with Lesnar regaining his confidence.

PART I: Kill Civilians

The Senate Armed Services Committee is apparently very concerned about our rules of engagement in Afghanistan. Before they confirm General David Petraeus to the Afghanistan command, they want to make sure that he will loosen up those rules of engagement to allow more airstrikes and more artillery strikes. He has made soothing voices to the effect that he will be sure not to hold back the heavy firepower too strictly.

Having already made his views on Jews clear in an earlier rant, actor Mel Gibson is now in trouble for making derogatory statements towards Blacks in a recent taped tirade. In the tape, Gibson attacks Oksana Grigorieva, the mother of one of his many, many children, for her choice of clothing.

The Plan to ignore the BP Oil Disaster until it went away hasn’t worked out.

New

Earnings Going Down: Supply and demand, baby.

Yes, it is only Wednesday, but damn there have been some big  politcal Dick moves so far this week.

A New York Times article today expressed concern that governments around the world are enacting austerity measures too soon, recalling that FDR's premature tax increases and spending cuts in 1936 snuffed a shaky recovery and pushed the country back into depression. Paul Krugman has repeatedly made the same point in his columns.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: I originally wrote this for readers at Open Salon, but believe the advice below is of great importance to all bloggers lesser than myself.]

Hi, everyone, I'm Master Blogger William K. Wolfrum. My friends call me Bill, but for purposes of this presentation, I'd rather you called me Master Blogger William K. Wolfrum.

Larry King will retire from CNN. This may be the straw that breaks America’s back.

News

Oil-Soaked Beaches: With Hurricanes pushing the waters, oil is hitting more and more beaches, making this disaster a lot more real to many.

Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo gets a bit of a bad rep. How many other players have been openly booed during the World Cup in South Africa. I can understand, of course. He’s too good-looking and too aware of it. He’s arrogant. He’s really, really good. And he’s always up in your face. Yes, Ronaldo is Europe’s answer to a Kardashian sister, but with talent and accomplishments.