In response to Comedy Central's decision to self-censor a South Park episode in which the prophet Muhammad was depicted wearing a bear suit, a Seattle comedian declared May 20th as "Everybody Draw Muhammad" Day.

My immediate reaction upon hearing the news was, "For fuck's sake, everybody grow up."

The Boston Globe has a story about juvenile offenders in Western Massachusetts being sentenced to act Shakespeare as an alternative to jail or community service. Lenox's Shakespeare & Company troupe, a Berkshires institution, has a special program just for these wayward youth. It's written as a feel-good story, live theater and immortal poetry as a roundabout path to rehabilitation. But I'll admit I had two instant and inappropriate responses.

Forced to admit that reality and Conservatism can’t survive together, top Conservative leaders came together today to announce that they have begun “Creality,” a new, separate reality only for Conservatives.

“Ronald Reagan remains the greatest President ever,” said Top Conservative Newt Gingrich. “My term as Speaker of the House was the most successful in U.S. history.”

In light of Tea Party favorite Rand Paul's overwhelming victory over the Republican establishment candidate Trey Grayson in Kentucky yesterday, it's worth taking a brief trip with the Ghost of Republican Past back to the first of many conservative purges in the modern era.

[CUE PSYCHEDELIC FLASHBACK TRANSITION]

I know, I know—and in other news, it’s hot on the Equator, right?

But the comments made by Mark Williams, conservative radio host and chairman of the Tea Party Express, are beyond the pale. He calls Allah a “monkey god” and refers to follows of Islam as “animal of Allah.”

The amount of oil spilling into the Gulf Coast boggles the mind. And looking at one offshore well destroying such a huge swath of fragile ecologies, it's easy to think, "Man, there's more oil down there than I thought. I see what those 'drill, baby, drill types' were talking about."

But here's my question: how much oil is that compared to America's energy needs? If all of that oil had gone into refineries instead of into the Gulf and our wetlands, how long would it keep our cars and lights and internet servers going?

Today, Ann Gerhart at the Washington Post came right out and said it: Elena Kagan's nomination to the Supreme Court is suspect because she is not a mother. So that dog whistle I was complaining about? It's a steam whistle now, very audible and very shrill.

I'm not going to link to the Gerhart's post, because bad behavior should not be rewarded with traffic. If you want to find it on the WaPo opinions page, her title is "The Supreme Court Needs More Mothers." No, I am not making that up.

As if its draconian immigration law weren't sufficient to demonstrate Arizona's profound appreciation for its Latino minority, the state has just enacted a second law to make the point. The new law prohibits Arizona schools from teaching "ethnocentric" courses that:

Suddenly, with the Elena Kagan nomination, careerism is a terrible thing.

My formative years were spent watching two hours of Simpson’s cartoons a day, an hour block from 6-7pm and a follow up block from 10-11pm.  Consequently, most of my worldviews are based on Simpson’s episodes – hence I surmised that nuclear weapon abolition is stupid.

Friends of Elena Kagan grudgingly admitted on Wednesday that the Supreme Court nominee was unmarried not because of her orientation but because American men are absolutely terrible in bed.

"Maybe we shouldn't have said anything," said an embarrassed law-school classmate of the 50-year-old Solicitor General. "We didn't want for the men Elena's dated to feel inadequate simply because they are."

This is just great news. Atheists around the world must be applauding the theft of the controversial Mojave Desert cross. This is a great moment for Atheists and the time is at hand to spread our lack of belief around the planet. The cross has been stolen, and it is a great sign.

From Yahoo:

Trying to stay a step ahead of their rapidly spreading oily public relations disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, today British Petroleum announced a new contest that would guarantee every entrant a free gallon of crude oil.

“When people think of British Petroleum, we want them to think ‘winner!’” said BP spokesman Mark Proegler. “Because for a limited time, we want to make every man, woman and child in America a winner.”

If there’s one thing we Americans have shown a propensity for, it’s learning to accept certain uncomfortable realities. Things like the Patriot Act, wars in the Middle East, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, illegal Eavesdropping and other such items have become part of the American Experience.

One day in high school, I casually infuriated one of the other boys. (We were all boys, and therefore the place was so full of adolescent macho boneheads that I didn't even notice I was one of them.) He had made a physically aggressive gesture toward me in the parking lot, and rather than simply ignoring him, as a mature person would have, I had responded with a calculated show of disregard, making it insultingly plain that I didn't take his threats, or him, seriously.

An accidental security glitch sent the information of all Facebook users to Al Qaeda operatives overseas, a company spokesman admitted today.

“Oops,” said Elliot Schrage, the company’s vice president for public policy. “Are we perfect? Of course not.”

Dear Mr. Rekers,

We just wanted to send you a message to thank you for choosing Rentboy.com to “carry your luggage” and helping give us more publicity than we could have ever hoped for. Your help will put us on top this year.

Remember Climategate? Well, the University of East Anglia’s Climate Research Unit, which was the target of climate-deniers wrath, has cleared of “any deliberate scientific malpractice,” and had a panel declare their methodology sound.

From Bad Astronomer Phil Plait:

Not long ago, actor Shia LaBeouf, star of the upcoming “Wall Street II,” delved into the world of advising investors, as he had these kind words to say about InterOil:

“IOC’s momentum is major, and it will surprise to the upside,” texted LeBeouf to a GQ writer.

Yesterday, Indiana, Ohio and North Carolina held primaries. And while it is a small sampling group, whether it was a primary for governor, the U.S. Senate, or the House, 100 percent of incumbents running for re-election won their races.