The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age

    Charlie Rose publishes debate questions for New Hampshire.

    Sources tell me that Charlie Rose has agreed to moderate the upcoming Republican New Hampshire debate on the condition that the decorum of both candidates and audience can be upgraded to New England standards. While New England Republicans are fine with such language as "laying the wood to Obama" and "taking a baseball bat" to a woman legislator in New Jersey they flinch at things like booing the troops and clapping at executions, as unfortunately occurred in the Simi Valley and Orlando debates. In sympathy with the goal of higher level discourse, the Manchester Union Leader is said to be withholding a story that Romney muttered a phrase that sounded like "Frigging Canucks" when he was detained at the Canadian border for strapping a large dog to the top of his family car.

    In order to raise the debate bar and minimize knee-jerk reactions, Charlie Rose has published his list of questions ahead of time. But to make sure the candidates actually prepare for the debate, questions will be assigned only at the last minute to candidates of Matthew Dowd's choosing. The questions have been geared to an audience of conservative, taciturn and frugal New Englanders and vacationing hedge fund managers.

    1. Sir, on your exciting $9.99 plan--what toppings come with that?

    2. About the use of American troops to invade Mexico, wouldn't drones be less expensive?

    3. According to your recent studies with a Supreme Court Justice, is it constitutional to proselytize foster children in your care?

    4. With 100% name recognition in the Republican party, does it puzzle you that--outside of New Hampshire where you vacation and Michigan where your father ran a car company and was Governor--the best you can do in the polls is 24%?

    5. If you had been President during the Terry Shiavo private family matter would you have authorized the use of the Federal Bureau of Investigation to intervene rather than just the Florida state police which Jeb Bush proposed.

    6. Do you think,sir, that you simply look too shop-worn for anyone to care any longer?

    7. Sir, do you think it's consistent with the code of "male bonding" to turn on the male friend who gave you the only real credential you have in running for President?

    8. A lot of guys up here in New Hampshire want to know if the "Chicken Ranch" in your district is still in business? If it is can you jot down the address for me after the debate.

    9. Do you know that up here in New Hampshire the term "shovel ready" refers to the wife who throws wood stove ashes down on the ice in the front yard as her old man guns the used pickup out onto the dirt road to go to work at the mill? Why were you so quick to denigrate honest labor?

    Memo to Charlie Rose: Please give Matthew Dowd a slight kick in the groin if he again conflates "passionate" with "electable" in the absence of even the vaguest reference to a candidate's ideology, or for that matter, character.

    We anticipate a factual and penetrating debate in New Hampshire. And if Chris Christie does come into the race (BTW please tell your colleague Tom Keane not to salivate into his microphone) we look forward to receiving an additional debate question.

     

    Comments

    # 2 follow up question, With drones, would we still need to build the dang fence?

    # 8  .......please give that question to the libertarian.


    I keep tellin ya'll up North that we can't put no dang fence in them canyons along the Rio Grande.

    Ron Paul said the Chicken Ranch, variously known as the best little whore house in Texas has been moved to an undisclosed location near Camp David. He will email you the address for a $2 thousand dollar campaign contribution but if you get the clap you're on your own.


    I keep tellin ya'll up North that we can't put no dang fence in them canyons along the Rio Grande.

    Didn't Obama suggest crocodiles? 


    From Kenya.


    Well if it's under ten bucks damn!

    But what would be my debit charges? hahahaha


    Under my 9.99 plan there will be no debit charges per pizza. But the banks have agreed to charge everyone a monthly checking account service charge of 9.99 regardless of balances. This means you would be able to pay the same bank service charge as Warren Buffet or David Koch.

    Christian Evangelicals can opt out for a service charge of 6.66 if they can prove regular church attendance.


    Re:8 (clearly the most commented upon question...)

    o/t I had a good friend who had worked at the late lamented Mustang Ranch, (in the same Chamber of Commerce chapter, as it were) and she said that "entertainers" (that's their official IRS category...apt, I should think) were considered the best credit risks in the state, regularly getting solicited (ed note: hardy har har...) by credit card companies four or five times a month.


    Under my 9.99 plan the "entertainers" will be reclassified, but I can't give you the exact IRS category yet. But hear me out. They will no longer be able to deduct the cost of their thongs. Nor will politicians and corporate executives be able to deduct their travel expenses to Reno.

    Did you see the report that the head honcho of the big Tea Party conference in Chicago geared to planning the way forward didn't show up for the opening ceremonies. He had been detained by Chicago police for soliciting a prostitute.


    detained by Chicago police for soliciting 

    clearly a miscarriage of justice and an affront to the free market philosophy.

    What, after all, is a tea party convention but solicitaton writ large?  And why should the police be permitted to interfere with anyone's right to carry on her business, anymore than the epa should be allowed to stick their noses into your smokestack emmissions?

    (ed note: you said "emmissions" heh-heh, beavis.)


    Heh, Heh. Heh, you Eastern librul.

    How come ya'll want to come to Texas and stick your damn noses in our smokestack emmissions when all ya have to do is wait till they drifts up here to Massa-tu'setts and Ver'munt? 


    Was the solicitors name Craig, from Idaho?

    ENTRAPMENT


    I didn't know about the 9-9-9 thing, so I looked it up, and along the way I ran across this:

    http://foozools.com/forum/cartoon-pictures-22/cain-9-99-pizza-perry-s-tx...


    smiley


    That's funny and I swear I hadn't seen it. Now that's what I'm talkin about!


    I believe ya, because your blog post is sincerely, much more teh fun than that cartoon. angel


    How about this question to any candidate other than Huntsman. "You have strongly opposed tax increases to help cut the deficit because tax increases are a disincentive to the economy. You wildly support spending cuts, but they also are a disincentive to the economy--and maybe a worse one since it leads to job loses rather than precluding some people from buying a new Mercedes. Seems weird, or biased--what gives?"


    Debate question. "Your program to improve manufacturing and exports focuses on lowering taxes and reducing government regulations. Germany and on a per capita bases some other European countries out produce us in manufacturing and exporting. Yet those countries policies don't look anything like what you are proposing. Why should we follow ideological proposals rather rather than finding out how they have succeeded?"