While President Obama's recent Nobel Peace Prize has been attracting media attention, he has been quietly reaping a number of other prizes, including the New York Marathon, the Heisman Trophy, Best Cooking Blog, Sikh Man of the Year, and West Duluth High School's Most Likely to Succeed.

Critics have decried the flood of awards on the grounds that Obama has been selected for political reasons over more deserving candidates. The New York Marathon has been the subject of the widest scorn because the event has yet to take place. Ron Faerly, Chairman of Concerned Citizens for Marathon Transparency, protested:

"I'm sure that Obama does OK on the treadmill and may win a marathon later in his political career if he ever quits smoking, but he just hasn't earned it yet. This award is a slap in the face to all the runners who have spent years training for this marathon."

But a spokesperson for the New York Marathon, who asked not to be named on the grounds that the New York Marathon doesn't have a spokesperson, defended the decision:

"Awarding the victory to President Obama sends a message to the entire world that engaging with the international community is just as important as running 26 miles with your nipples taped through all five New York boroughs, even the Bronx."

A spokesperson for the Sikh Man of the Year award, who may or may not be the same person who spoke for the New York Marathon, also defended that organization's award, declaring:

"We don't know for sure whether or not [President Obama] is a Sikh, but his actions have raised our suspicions. For instance, the White House recently appointed a Large Receptacle Czar who happens to be Sikh. You have to ask yourself, what kind of person surrounds himself with Sikhs?"

The spokesperson may have been referring to William S. Noma, the recently appointed Chief Diversity Officer for Domestic Baskets, Buckets, Barrels, Bins, and Baby Bjorns. Mr. Noma insists that he is a Christian but may have been mistaken for a Sikh because he often wears turbans for reasons of "vanity" and "baldness."

Conservative leaders have been especially critical of alleged bias among the award committees. Following Rupert Murdoch's establishment of Jesus Prizes to offer "fair and balanced" alternatives to the Nobel Prizes, other philanthropists have sponsored a number of new prizes with conservative winners:

• Freedom Marathon: winner - Rush Limbaugh
• Jesus Heisman Christ Trophy: winner - Former Senator Jack Kemp (posthumous)
• Best Christian Cooking Blog: winner - Susanne Grayson Townsend, author of How to Eat Like a Republican: Or, Hold the Mayo, Muffy--I'm Feeling Miracle Whipped Tonight
• Christian Sikh Man of the Year: winner - Bobby Jindal, Governor of Louisiana
• West Duluth High School's Even More Likely to Succeed: winner - Jesus Christ (posthumous)