Sometimes, I get confused when people use slang or terms of art. I’m more of a straightforward, un-fancy communicator. I’m ashamed to admit it might be something I have in common with our former president—although I tend not to make up my own words.

Something I am less ashamed to admit is that I don’t always follow some of the terms bandied about on the blogs. One of those terms is “strawman.” I’m from the Midwest. Out here, strawmen live in fields and they don’t generally talk, which makes it difficult for them to participate in arguments.

But, I’m proud to admit that today, for possibly the first time, I feel I have an absolute grasp of what “creating a strawman” means. Thanks, Republicans!

See if you can follow the trail of metaphorical straw. (Side Note: real strawmen leave a straw trail too, only it’s not metaphorical and it makes me sneeze.) From what I’m hearing coming out of conservative mouths this week, here’s what I’ve got so far:

• President Obama is going to close the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay.
• There are bad men who have been living there for many years.
• We will have to find a new place for the bad men.
• During the campaign, then-Senator Obama and his staff saved money by asking supporters to allow out-of-town campaign staff to stay in their spare bedrooms.
• We can save money and solve the detainee housing crisis by asking Obama supporters to house terrorists.

Wheeeeeeee. Because it’s not like we have maximum security prisons or anything. Those prisoners are coming to your neighborhood and Republicans want you to be hiding-under-your-bed-wetting-your-pants scared.

Honestly. It’s not like we should expect anything remotely honest from the people who want you to believe that dinosaurs weren’t extinct until a few thousand years ago, at which point we were calling them dragons. But just how stupid do they think we are?

Don’t answer that. I can only handle one strawman per day.