Thomas L. Friedman: The bathrooms are much cleaner than the bathrooms at La Guardia airport.  Another triumph for the fast growing Empire and proof that “small moon” is another word we can remove from the lexicon of our hyperspace-connected  age where average isn't good enough because your job might be pulverized into atoms at any time.

Nicholas Kristof: There are no girls on the Death Star except for one kidnapped Princess.  Maybe if there were girls on board it would be a Peace Star.  That’s an idea we can all get behind.

David Brooks: While Congress dithers, beholden to special interests and ever-looming elections, the Emperor has shown us how to build a space station that could be confused for a small moon, from a distance.  Some might label this elitism but when it comes to defending the galaxy from our enemies at home and abroad the Emperor has proven himself an effective technocrat and a capable leader.

Gail Collins: Okay people, quiz time!  Is Dantooine really too remote a planet for a public demonstration of the awesome capabilities of this battle station or is that just an excuse to go and blow up Alderaan?

Ross Douthat: Let’s not be too proud of this technological terror we’ve created.  A majority of people believe that the power to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force and we should accommodate their views rather than ignore them. Spreading secularism with planet-imploding death lasers is clearly a losing proposition.

Maureen Dowd: It’s a ball.  This new Death Star looks like a Christmas ornament shorn from the tree, or a floating zygote stolen from cut 2001 footage.  If the Emperor wants to make a more masculine statement he should build a second Death Star.  Vladimir Putin would never settle for less than two balls.

Frank Bruni: How many restaurants must be on that thing?  How is the food?  The service, we can be sure, is crisp and efficient as the penalty for failure is not a penny tip but incineration. This is one restaurant where you don’t know if the other patrons are choking on the cuisine or have been captured in a Sith death grip.

Charles M. Blow: This is what the Emperor calls an inner city jobs program?  This?

Joe Nocera:  Shut down all of the garbage disposal units in the detention area!  3PO! Can you hear me?

Paul Krugman: A single battle station this big and complicated no doubt has numerous exploitable flaws that could cause unexpected, catastrophic and calamitous wreckage.  Bondholders can lay claim to the Death Star in the event of default, but what if the default is caused by somebody reducing the Death Star into nothing but a cloud of pyrotechnic space dust?