SleepinJeezus
Jobs Reporter
Dissociated Press
March 3, 2010


(Washington, DC) Two of the GOP's leading Jobs Reform advocates in Washington have joined forces in presenting a bi-partisan Jobs Bill that the Congressional Budget Office says could drastically reduce unemployment.

John Kyl (R-Uranus) and Jim Bunning (R-Mars) have submitted a comprehensive Jobs Bill they are calling "NAFTA-II." The proposed legislation builds upon the highly popular free trade agreement passed by the Democrats during the Clinton Administration.

The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) successfully mitigated our trade deficit by encouraging the export of jobs overseas in exchange for increased corporate profits that have strengthened our domestic economy. It is widely credited by economists with creating an extended run-up of stock prices and corporate profits unlike anything seen since the glory years leading up to the Great Depression.

Kyl and Bunning now call upon their Democrat counterparts to join with them to help further develop NAFTA as a means to tackle "our nearly intractable unemployment problem that threatens to undermine our economy."

Kyl and Bunning both spoke with reporters at a press conference convened at the U.S. Chamber of Commerce headquarters in Washington.

"In this last year, we have seen unemployment rise past 10% and stay there," said Kyl. "The numbers offer very little hope for the millions who try to find a job in this market and who instead lay around getting fat on unemployment compensation."

Kyl says that tax breaks for small businesses have had considerable positive effect on the small businessmen, but says we are still falling short on creating the number of jobs that are needed.

"What we are finding is that there are only so many jobs that can be created for barristas and sous chefs and work-at-home data entry technicians." say Kyl. "What we need instead are manufacturing jobs of the kind we used to have here."

Kyl points out that "It used to be that we could count on American workers to actually support themselves instead of relying upon the government to give them food stamps and rocking chair money. We need to get back to our principles and encourage our entrepreneurs to step forward and get these people back to work. NAFTA-II is created to assist our businesses as they once again put American workers back on the job in American-owned factories."

In releasing the two-page comprehensive NAFTA-II Jobs Bill plan, Kyl indicated that there are two main features that will reduce unemployment and strengthen our economy.

"First, we have included tax cuts to at last get our budget under control and reduce the Federal deficit." When asked which taxes would be cut, Kyl responded "All of them."

But it is NAFTA-II's second provision which promises to have the most significant impact on the economy and the deficit, according to the Congressional Budget Office. And Kyl showed no lack of enthusiasm in introducing what is certainly a revolutionary approach to reducing high unemployment.

"With NAFTA, we successfully exported jobs overseas in an effort to streamline corporate profits. Labor costs were reduced exponentially, and our economy soared as the extra profits that were realized were redirected to investments in Credit Default Swaps and other creative instruments that provided great wealth to Americans on Wall Street."

"NAFTA-II will extend this successful trade policy by now exporting workers themselves overseas to once again gain employment in the manufacturing sector making the consumer goods we all know and love."

The plan allows for bus ticket reimbursement to allow for a worker and two family members to travel one-way to the maquiladoras on the border with Mexico. For those wishing to be exported to Taiwan, the Mariannas, or any of the other more distant jobs, the government will arrange for contracts to be negotiated wherein the workers can receive loans from their employers to cover all moving expenses. These loans will subsequently be paid from their wages.

"Many of these countries have a long history of indentured servitude," explains Kyl, "and such loan arrangements will help our American workers become more comfortable with the local culture and traditions. In addition, the American owners of these factories indicate that such loan programs greatly encourage worker retention, and so they graciously accept the cost of this program that will spare any tax dollars being spent."

NAFTA-II contains other provisions such as a three week extension of unemployment benefits that are designed to aid in the transition to offshore employment. In addition, Kyl proposes the establishment of a federal 401k entitlement program (managed by Goldman Sachs in conjunction with the U.S. Treasury) wherein these employees will be allowed "to contribute excess wages to a stock portfolio so they, too, can be full participants in this economy."

"We are prepared to invest in our workforce to get them back to work and to reduce the ravages of unemployment in this economy. As you can see, this program presents a win-win for all involved. It gets our workers back to work and off the dole. It creates an educated labor force for our American companies who complain now that foreign workers are unappreciative of the jobs they are being offered. And it will greatly reduce our deficit by eliminating the costs of unemployment and other socialist programs while ensuring a steady stream of goods and services are provided at low cost to our domestic economy."

In questions that followed, Rep. Bunning was asked if the Bill was indeed deficit neutral as indicated by the CBO.

"What?" he said. "Get off my lawn!" He then flipped the reporter the bird.

When GOP leadership was contacted later for their opinion of the proposed program, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Bunningville) said that "We of course are always in favor of anything that will cut taxes and reduce the deficit. As to whether we can support this specific legislation, our Republican rules of the Senate say we will have to first wait and see if Obama comes out in favor of it or not. I hope he opposes it so we can get fully behind the effort."