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    Vegetarians Exposed: Anti-Jesus, Anti-American, Bestiality Crazed & Building Momentum. (Proof of Deviancy Far Deeper than Meatlessness!)

    We have all seen them.  Maybe at a restaurant or a family gathering?  You know who I mean, that loathsome, tree-hugging liberal, smugly eating his tofu making it difficult to enjoy your own bloody hunk of cow flesh.  If you are like me, you try to avoid looking at these people at all costs - just the sight of them makes your skin crawl!  This is impossible; just as you feel compelled to look at the carnage left by a car wreck, so too are you compelled to look at the heinousness that is ʻthe vegetarianʼ.  This point of view may not be widely vocalized but is widely agreed upon by any true red-blooded American Christian.  These people make us sick, with their expensive haircuts and designer jeans, it's enough by itself to make you want to bludgeon them within an inch of their lives but sadly my friends, the problem goes FAR beyond this.  There is a whole cesspool of unholy sickness bubbling right under the surface of these seemingly harmless (albeit annoying) vegetarians.  Which brings me to the point of this post.  

    The Lord has asked of me to help bring these liberal sinners out of their shadowy dens of debauchery and let His light expose them for what they are!  I pray that you will not only heed the following but that you will join me and The Big Guy on our crusade.  Although Jesus and I both wish you believed in him we are aware that a few of his flock has strayed. :(  I hope that even you people that will not be hanging out with me in Heaven, will also continue to read.  They are not just a threat to Christianity, they are threat to the American way of life!

    In the following, I will outline for you the real and unflappable proof that these godless left-wing, terrorists, a.k.a. vegetarians, are against everything we stand for as a people/nation/religion.  If left to their own devices they will be the downfall of our society as a whole, mark my words!  They are systematically attempting to dismantle what little we have left of our wholesome, Christian, American family values after that lust filled adulterer, President Bill Clinton left office.  I can not, nor will not, idly sit back and watch them ruin what our forefathers and the Crusaders worked so hard to create with out putting up a fight!

    Below, I have outlined for you the main threats posed, followed by the proof, and/or explanation of said threat.  There should not be any further doubts.

    1 - Vegetarians ARE NOT Christians!

    How do I know this?  I just do.   I have faith that God has not misled me in my judgment.  I realize that any left-wing, know-it-all reading this will not find 'faith', a sufficient answer.  It is so sad that you liberal hippies can not grasp the concept of true faith.  You always need to question everything, look to your ʻscienceʼ for proof, debate and study and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.  So for you doomed souls, I offer the following facts (I know how much you love that word!) as proof that I am correct.

    • A - God made animals and then put them on the earth.  He obviously wanted us to eat them or he   wouldnʼt have made them so darned tasty  Duh.  A simply one to start.
    • B - Animals are soulless beasts while God blessed humans with souls.  This proves that in Godʼs eyes we are superior to animals and therefore ARE superior.  As our God given right, we must eat them - the superior eat the inferior.
    • C - Noahʼs Ark.  What was the point for Noah to put in that much effort if it wasnʼt for food?  Umm, there wouldnʼt have been one!
    • D - Adam and Eve.  Was it not an APPLE that they were tempted by that resulted in original sin?  Oh Why Yes!  I do believe it was!  How interesting!  Itʼs an apple, a plant based food, under which all sin is created!  Eating vegetation = sin.  After all, it certainly was not a chicken carcass hanging from that fateful tree now was it!?

    2 - Vegetarians killed Jesus

    Please see 1-D -  Bite of apple was taken,  caused us to be a bunch of heathen sinners, God had to sacrifice his only Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, so that we could be saved.  I am sure even the most pathetic of you non-believers have heard the term, ʻJesus died for your sinsʼ?  Well, we can just go ahead and change that to the way it should read - ʻJesus died for the vegetarians sins!ʼ  I can assure you that no stinking apple, carrot, kumquat, whatever, would have tempted me bad enough to result in a dead Jesus!  A side of bacon maybe, but an apple?  NO WAY!

    3 - Vegetarians are sexual deviants that support gay marriage

    My proof regarding their sexual deviancy should hit home for all you devil-worshipping, evolution theory believing, left-wing wackoʼs, out there since I can prove this one with a MATHEMATIC FORMULA!  We all know how much you just love to spout off with your, ʻnot convinced unless I have proofʼ bull-honkey.  I am a heterosexual female.  Since my husband, a wonderful, God-fearing man, made an honest woman out of me about 10 years back I have since rewarded him with missionary style ʻmaritalsʼ once a week, three times a month as a good wife/good Christian woman should.  There is no variation and the only pleasure I receive from it is the pleasure of knowing I have been a dutiful wife and in turn a dutiful Christian. THIS is the way the Lord intended, THIS is the ONLY WAY!  Any deviation from this is a perversion. For you porn-loving, Nazi sympathizing, left-wingers, here is the mathematic proof I had promised you (it is a story problem)...

    My husband and I eat meat  -  We have sex with humans.

    Vegetarians eat vegetables  -  They have sex with...?  That is right kids, they have sex with animals!

    Let me ʻshow my workʼ, so to speak -
    I=A  Eat=E  Meat=T  Sex=S  Men=M
    If((A*E)/S)2=T  What is V?
    V = Vegetarians are bestiality loving sickoʼs!  That is what V equals!

    Their support of gay marriage is by-product of their filthy lustful desires toward house-pets/farm animals/fish/birds/etc.  I am sure you have often heard the argument that gay marriage will open the door to other, possibly worse atrocities (I shudder to think of something worse than homosexuality!)?  I have often heard "Whatʼs next?  People will marry their dog?"  It is believed that this argument is coming from my side (the side that has Jesusʼ support) but this is a common misconception.  I have heard folks on Team Jesus say that they donʼt necessarily find this to be a valid fear.  Obviously, these folks are not true Christians but that is not the point.  The point is this - if WE didnʼt start that argument and YOU didnʼt start that argument, just WHO did and why?  The answer is really quite simple, let me explain - awhile back a grass-roots campaign was schemed up by these four legged friend fuckers to try and get gay marriage passed precisely for this reason - they KNEW it was a gateway to something even more deviant than a man on man union - a man on beast union!  Oh boy did those disgusting sodomites want that gateway door flung WIDE OPEN!  They wanted/want nothing more than to be able to take Fido up the poop shoot on their honeymoon in Hawaii.  But somewhere early on a mistake was made in their twisted plan.  The LAST thing they wanted was for us meat eaters to realize gay marriage would lead to beast/human marriage, not until it was too late anyway.

    4 - Vegetarians like babies, dead ones that is!

    I guess it is only fair that I preface this category by stating that it is fitting of ALL left-wing, God hating, liberal bastards, not just vegetarians.   Sure these 911 supporting, anti-Americans try to hide behind their veil of ʻopen-mindednessʼ or ʻhuman rightsʼ or some shit I will never understand nor agree with - they try and hide all of their misdeeds behind these fancy catch phrases it seems.  Well me and the J-man ainʼt buying it!  These soulless demons have one goal on this earth and that goal is to kill as many babies as possible.  Sure they try and cover it up - try to distract us with their shiny new Prius, quick wit, beautiful smile and magnetic personalities.  How COOL and With-it and qum ba yah and birkenstock wearing and poly-sci degree holding and mary-jane smoking and Dave Matthew's concert going and piss on the bible and piss on America and lets have a circle jerk and I am so popular and I am pure AWESOMENESS, these baby murders are.  ʻOh, itʼs the womanʼs right to choose!  Her body, her choice!ʼ they lament, but I call ʻem like I see ʻem and abortion is murder you evil demons!  And just for the record, I didnʼt want to be invited to your stupid ʻHolidayʼ party anyway Marissa!  The only reason I sat outside your house that night was to see what happens at a satanic sacrifice.  For the LAST TIME, yes, the vat of seven layer dip, box of White Zinfandel and assortment of Walmart bras and panties were for my own personal use - there is nothing ʻstalker-ishʼ about it!  Plus, I did NOT call you 1,000 times like stated in the restraining order!  Burn in hell you dirty, lying, siren of satan!  I digress, I apologize.

    My Fellow Christians -

    The vegetarian threat is very real, it is also very terrifying.  Obviously, it is not my place to judge these ʻpeopleʼ.  After all, there is only perfect enough to judge - and no ladies, I am not talking about Kirk Cameron! ;-)  I do not write this in judgment, nor did I write to inflame (as that too would not be very Christian of me) I only write this because I know God wants me to.  He needs his flock to stand up and protect what we the blessed know is the only way into heaven, through evangelical Christianity.  How do we do this you may ask?  How will we control those unafraid of the bible?!  Unafraid of judgment day!?  My fellow Christians I implore you, letʼs give them something to be afraid of!  Using the same skills we have honed on all groups of people that do not fit our ideal - oppression, public ridicule, alienation, exclusion, and my favorite, shame, letʼs scare them into the loving arms of Jesus!  I know together we will continue to fight the good fight against all threats (perceived or real) against our righteous and correct way of thinking.  I will pray that God will lead us through these troubling times how he sees fit as we are not worthy of his unfailing love.

    Everyone else -

    I will pray that you will find your way to the Lord and be able to walk next to your maker  
    in the kingdom of heaven.  Jesus is THE ONLY way to everlasting life, just as he is THE
    ONLY way to be truly know peace here on earth!

    Know Jesus = Know Peace!
    No Jesus = No Peace!

    God Bless,






    Absolutely hilarious. More please!

    I once went to a Paul McCartney concert in Iowa. McCartney, you may recall, is a vegetarian, while Iowa is the largest pork producer in the nation. So the pro-pork lobby was out in force handing out leaflets in the streets, flying a protest banner from a plane overhead, etc. One of the leaflets I was handed listed "notorious" vegetarians. I don't remember who was on the list except for Adolf Hitler. McCartney took it all in stride. Explained on stage that he couldn't understand why the reception is in Iowa was so chilly since, after all, he loved corn.

    Know peas = no Jesus?

    Thank you Genghis. That concert story is hilarious. A banner plane? Really? Is that totally necessary? I have been honestly surprised at the reaction I have received since becoming a vegetarian - it just really seems to piss people off. Order a veggie sub from Subway and you practically get tackled by the person behind the counter and/or some random guy in line. 'What?! No meat?! Do you mean to tell me that you do not want ANY meat on this sandwich? What is wrong with you?'. I guess people just take their sliced deli's very seriously. Who knew? Thanks again for the comment.

    FWIW, in Charlottesville, Virginia, you wouldn't get a second glance. We have a fairly large number of vegetarians (and vegans) here, so we also have a fairly large number of vegetarian friendly restaurants. In fact, you'll find implementations of typically non-vegetarian friendly franchises that are vegetarian friendly here. We even have a few totally vegan restaurants.

    I'm with Nebton. I've lived most recently in NYC and before that San Francisco. No one bats an eyelash in these towns. I'm in Philly now. I haven't gauged the local attitude towards vegetarians yet, but judging by the vegan fares at the cafes, I don't think it's an issue here either.

    I am just an hour too North (Seattle) and two hours too South (Vancouver), living in a no-mans-lands that stopped progressing in 1950. Even the dessert menus here include some sort of meat product. Ok, maybe it's not THAT bad.

    Having grown up eating mincemeat pie (which included real meat the way my Grandma made it), having desserts with meat products in it does not surprise me.

    This is good Kalakitty.  Thanks

    If you think that just because you CAN do something, you should, then you are deranged. Killing animals for their meat is so sad! Even if they are not human (whatever that might mean in a religious or secular context) they don't want to die. They want to live and that force is something that is just beautiful. The creulty of it is sick and for you to think that just because you don't want to murder innocent animals, you are not a Christian, you are crazy!

    Your accusations against vegatarians with "designer jeans" and "expensive haircuts" are plainly ridiculous. I would hate to reflect back on what in your youth possessed you to be so mindlessly hateful. Not ALL vegatarians OR people who enjoy designer products are pro-choice, hateful, or into disgusting acts with animals.


    You are ignorant and bastardizing the word of God. You are an absolute shame to your faith and humanity.



    Alex Debord

    You must be visiting the wrong web-sites if you can't tell that this entire piece was meant as satire. Stick around and get to know these people. Hopefully your snark-o-meter will improve along the way.

    Amen to that Nebton!

    With all due respect: All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, and instruction in righteousness. 2 Timothy 3:16

    I just want to touch on the A,B,C,Ds and put some Bible Verses on each one.

    • A - Gen 1:29  And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. (Just in case, meat in King james Version means food, there's no way seeds can be actual flesh meat)
    • B - "Animals are soulless beasts while God blessed humans with souls." Check this out. In Gen 2:7 says God made man out of dust, and his breath and became a living "Soul" The hebrew  word for soul there is (Nephesh), and the first time that word is found in Hebrew is in Gen 1:24 where it says in "Gen 1:24  And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature(Nephesh) after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.
    • I don't know where you got the fact that animals don't have a soul, just because there is no mention of them Going to heaven, it doesn't mean they don't have a soul. They may not have freewill, and a spiritual conscience as given to man, but "soul" in the bible simply means life/being/person/creature. and all life comes from God.
    • C - "Noahʼs Ark.  What was the point for Noah to put in that much effort if it wasnʼt for food?  Umm, there wouldnʼt have been one." Here is the first time that God allows flesh eating, and he gives special warning against unclean meats, and tells them to gather 7 of each clean animal and only 2 of unclean animals for they were not to touch those. We know that when Noah came out of the ark, there was no vegetation on earth due to the flood for a period of time, so they needed to eat something.
    • D - Adam and Eve.  Was it not an APPLE that they were tempted by that resulted in original sin?  Oh Why Yes!  I do believe it was!  How interesting!  Itʼs an apple, a plant based food, under which all sin is created!  Eating vegetation = sin.  After all, it certainly was not a chicken carcass hanging from that fateful tree now was it!?
    • What God wanted to teach them was temperance, and self-control, and the temptation was as small as it could be, As it says in 1Corinthians 10:13  There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
    • God simply wanted to give an option to Adam and Eve to rebel, so they would obey him out of love, and not by force. If it would have been a carcass hanging on the tree they would not have been deceived by the devil, because God directly commanded them to eat only herbs, fruits, and seeds, etc. Exept of t


    With all due respect, you've just delivered a point-by-point refutation of a parody.

    With all due respect, I don't think any of us are using the phrase "with all due respect" correctly.

    With all due respect...

    That's all I've got. I didn't want to be left out.

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