BETHLEHEM (March 24, 0008) – The parents of Jesus Christ – the much ballyhooed Son of God – have accused a Catholic Church Priest of molesting their child, causing him to flee from the area.

“We really should have known better than to let him hang out with Catholics,” said Mary, mother of Jesus. “They’re just a bunch of predators.”

BRAZIL – In a telephone interview, I admitted to an affair with sex-addicted golf legend Tiger Woods.

“Yes, I, William K. Wolfrum, had an affair with Tiger Woods,” I said. “The man is insatiable.”

FRESNO – Jesus Christ Almighty was making himself and his followers a quick bite to eat when he noticed something amazing – he could see himself on the tortilla he had just made.

I have always lived my life as an optimist. Because of this, I have vivid fantasies of a better world for all of us.

I believe that one day, man will put down his arms and celebrate peace. That enemies will become friends. And that we won’t have a Pope that covers up for Pedophiles.

One of the strangest things to watch in the mainstream media has been how hard they’ve strained to make anti-government protesters into a major national story.

WASHINGTON – The Powerful Coat Hanger Lobby celebrated a huge victory over the weekend, as the Senate’s Health Care Reform Bill passed the House of Representatives.

While Democrats have also cheered the passage of the bill – which could get 30 million more Americans health care coverage – the Coat Hanger Lobby was especially thrilled with deal that will not allow poor women to receive abortions.

I have plenty of conservative friends, as well as plenty of liberal ones. In day to day life, I – like most of us – tend to judge people on their actions, not their political stances.

I have never had a friend that was a neo-Nazi, however. There are some people I – like most of us – refuse to meet halfway.

In posting their response at Dagblog.com to Debbie Schlussel's claims that Sean Hannity has personally benefited from monies donated to the children of veterans, the Freedom Alliance's Thomas P. Kilgannon and Oliver North have made it clear the line of attack they plan to follow:

"Debbie Schussel (sic) is a liar, and she's doing it again," was written above the press release.

BRAZIL – Right-Wing Blogger-Patriot William K. Wolfrum today unleashed a new bombshell revelation against Fox News host Sean Hannity. Wolfrum stated that he had evidence of Hannity murdering adorable little puppies.

What makes these allegations stronger is who they are being made by – unrepentant rightist Debbie Schlussel. And she definitely painted a dark picture of what Fox News Host Sean Hannity is doing with his “Freedom Concerts.”

“Sean Hannity’s Freedom Concerts are just a giant con,” wrote Schlussel.

Dear People of Iran,

I saw that your government has been blocking foreign Web sites, so I’ll make this quick:

Could you guys please overthrow your current regime and replace it with something less strict and less crazy? Because, trust me on this, President Obama is just waiting for a good opportunity to build bipartisan support via bombing you guys into the Iraqian age. And Mr. Nobel Peace Prize will unleash hell upon you.

For countless decades, Catholic parents around the globe sent their children to work with the Catholic Church in a variety of ways – alter boys, choir members, etc. Many times, this experience is helpful to the child, who learns responsibility, hard work and a deeper understanding of God.

And many other times, the child returns, completely broken and emotionally destroyed because they were sexually abused by pedophile Catholic priests.

BRAZIL – Atheist blogger William K. Wolfrum – known primarily for posting pictures of his dogs – has come out in support of the Catholic Church today. A life-long Catholic, Wolfrum said it seemed that now was the time for him to “have the back” of his old faith.

Even though I don’t believe in anything they preach and think they’re evil is no reason for me to abandon them now,” said Wolfrum, who has attended one Catholic Mass in the last two decades. “I’m no hater.”

It wasn’t long ago that we all celebrated our final, decisive victory in the War on Christmas. Once we saw that Fox News had taken to using the world “Holiday” repeatedly, it had become official. The dreaded scourge that was Christmas had once and for all been destroyed.

How bad is the economy? Well, it’s getting harder to get your three hots and a cot for the first time in almost 40 years.

Spurred by budget crises, California and Michigan together reduced their prison populations by more than 7,500 last year, contributing to what a new report says is the first nationwide decline in the number of state inmates since 1972.

Has it really already been 30 years? Three long decades since one of the most important Conservative moments overran this fine nation of ours?

Yes, it was 30 years ago since the stellar conservative film “Can’t Stop the Music,” with its themes of hard-work, love of country and personal responsibility hit theaters.

In short order, the U.S. has moved up into the rarefied air of Italy when it comes to political lasciviousness. Rielle Hunter makes her entry into the goo at GQ:

From a U.S. federal court, comes the latest inconvenient truth for antivaxxers to deal with:

A federal court ruled Friday that the evidence supporting an alleged causal link between autism and a mercury-containing preservative in vaccines is unpersuasive, and that the families of children diagnosed with autism are not entitled to compensation.

COSTA RICA – Calling it the “greatest threat our nation has ever faced,” Costa Rican President Óscar Arias has announced that his country will re-institute the military in order to fend of an invasion by American entertainer Rush Limbaugh.

“We can sit back and wait to see if the U.S. passes health care reform, or we can act now,” said Arias. “We don’t want our answer to come in the form of a mushmouth cloud.”

Arias was responding to recent comments from the entertainer, who said he would move to Costa Rica if health care reform passed in the United States.

WASHINGTON – Republican Senator John Ensign – speaking from his room at the C Street Center – has come out swinging against ex-Representative Eric Massa.