When Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman recently stated that President Barack Obama needed to nominate a more conservative justice to fill the vacancy created by the resignation of Justice John Paul Stevens, many liberals blanched. After all, the U.S.

NEW ORLEANS – Republican National Committee chair Michael Steele closed the Southern Republican Leadership Conference with a speech that he hoped would help him mute recent criticisms of his leadership, as well as calls for his resignation.

WASHINGTON – In a bold effort to try and combat the far-right conservatives George W. Bush nominated to the U.S. Supreme Court, President Barack Obama today announced that he is nominating actor Sean Penn to the SCOTUS seat soon to be vacated by Justice Paul Stevens.

“Over the past decade we have seen the Supreme Court move decidedly right of center,” said Obama. “We feel that Justice Sean Penn will help even things out.”

Via Ed Morrissey at Hot Air, it seems that’s Sarah Palin’s decision to ditch the paltry-paying Alaska Governorship has reaped a whirlwind of financial riches – to the tune of $12 million thus far:

AUGUSTA – Following a thrilling Masters tournament that saw Phil Mickelson win his third Green Jacket, Masters Chairman Billy Payne spoke out about U.S. Senator John McCain.

Showcasing a superb sense of humor to those that have made jokes about him in the past, Alan Colmes of Fox News has signed up yours truly as a contributor at his Web site, Liberaland (www.alan.com).

While my first post for Colmes (“Why on Earth does Fox News pay Alan Colmes?”) was rejected, my first two official posts are up:

As speculation grows about a potential 2012 Presidential run, ex-Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich has teamed up with Nike to produce an advertisement meant to both soften the controversial Republican’s image, as well as sell his new line of products, available at Nike.

LAS VEGAS – The golfing world is buzzing as two of the world’s most important golfers – Tiger Woods and William K. Wolfrum returned to the game of golf on Thursday. Woods shot a first-round 68 at the Masters in Augusta, Ga., while Wolfrum shot a 99 at Arroyo Golf Club at Red Rock in Las Vegas.

If you thought the movie “Avatar” wasn’t enough of a trite rehash, just wait until “Avatar 2: The Tax Revoltening.” Coming April 15, this new epic will feature a new Dick Armey led brigade marching on Washington – but this time, they’re doing it virtually*.

Yes, tapping into the Tea Party’s overwhelming desire to stay at home and grunt loudly while wearing their underwear, this march promises to do to the Internet what the Tea Party has done to National Politics – absolutely nothing.

VATICAN – Claiming he had no choice and was only protecting himself and his Church, Pope Benedict today shot and killed God. The Almighty was rushed to a nearby hospital but was pronounced dead from the wounds.

The shooting took place moments before the Pope’s annual Easter Mass. During the Mass, the Pope declared that the act of violence was necessary to help stop the “Flood of Gossip” which threatens to derail the church. A senior Pope spokesman later discussed the incident with CNN’s Anderson Cooper.

ARIZONA – Faced with a difficult primary challenge from J.D. Hayworth in his senatorial re-election bid, Sen. John McCain announced today that he’s actually a vampire, like in the “Twilight” movies.

“Yeah, you kids love vampires, dontcha,” said McCain, wearing a cape. “Well I’m a romantic, hunky, super-conservative vampire. Bella!!”

WASHINGTON – The Republican National Committee, finally fed up with his free-spending ways and controversies, have fired Michael Steele as RNC Chairman and announced that TV Star Jesse James will be replacing him.

“We felt that Steele had his chance and blew it,” said an RNC source. “We are now heading in a different direction.”

Having known people throughout my life that have struggled mightily with coming out, I think the “duh, of course he’s gay” jokes that are already attached to Ricky Martin coming out as a gay man are thoughtless at best and hurtful at worst.

So here’s offering much respect and admiration to Ricky Martin on his announcement today:

BRAZIL – In a telephone interview, noted blogger William K. Wolfrum admitted to dominating Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele at a bondage club in Southern California.

“I just kept asking him why Republicans always talk about fiscal responsibility but whenever they govern they run up massive deficits,” said Wolfrum, a one-time “Fly Girl” on the show In Living Color. “He had nothing to say. I totally dominated.”

LOS ANGELES – Combining the works of science fiction author L. Ron Hubbard, fictional character Ronald Reagan, economics fiction writer Milton Friedman and actor Tom Cruise, the Church of Scientology has announced that it has officially joined forces with the Tea Party movement.

SILVER SPRING, Md. – Discovery Communications has announced that it has been forced to cancel the upcoming reality show “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” after it was learned that Palin ran out of reality almost two years ago. The eight-part documentary series was to star the ex-Governor Palin and her home state of Alaska and was slated to premiere on TLC, and executive produced by Emmy-award winner Mark Burnett of Survivor and Apprentice fame.

WASHINGTON — Stating that it was only a matter of time before they beat themselves to death, top Republicans have come forward pleading for the Democratic Party to stop hitting themselves.

Following the passage of Health Care Reform, concerned Republicans have come out in force, begging Democrats to stop battering themselves with their own legislation, which is naturally causing them to receive threats of violence.

FLORIDA – Entering an already crowded field of contenders, golfer Tiger Woods today announced that he will be running for the U.S. Senate Seat in Florida.

“Responsibility,” said Woods. “Dignity.”

So who do you get your stock tips from, these days? How about 23-year-old actor Shia Labeouf? Yes, in studying for his role in the upcoming film “Wall Street 2,” Labeouf spent time at John Thomas Financial. At John Thomas, InterOil (IOC) is their “favorite energy stock.”

So guess which stock LaBeouf is praising?

BRAZIL – In an attempt to show that Democratic politicians aren’t the only ones dealing with threats and violence, blogger William K. Wolfrum today admitted that a bird crapped on his car, which he called an “obvious attempt to shut me up.”

“You know, Democrats are whining and complaining about receiving death threats and whatnot, but really, I’m the victim here,” said Wolfrum, formerly a back-up singer with the band A-Ha. “But do you hear me complaining about it? No, death threats and bird crappings are par for the course in today’s world.”