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    Blogger receiving death threats from extremist birds

    BRAZIL – In an attempt to show that Democratic politicians aren’t the only ones dealing with threats and violence, blogger William K. Wolfrum today admitted that a bird crapped on his car, which he called an “obvious attempt to shut me up.”

    “You know, Democrats are whining and complaining about receiving death threats and whatnot, but really, I’m the victim here,” said Wolfrum, formerly a back-up singer with the band A-Ha. “But do you hear me complaining about it? No, death threats and bird crappings are par for the course in today’s world.”

    The incident, which happened last March after Wolfrum published a damning column titled “Birds, Fuck ‘em,” cannot be verified by authorities, but Wolfrum insists he was the victim of an attack, despite the fact that he wasn’t actually in the car at the time of the crapping. Nonetheless, the blogger stated that it was probably his fault, really.

    “It is a fact that I have complained that birds are notorious crappers, so obviously I’m to blame, in a way,” said Wolfrum, who co-starred alongside Scott Baio in the film “Bugsy Malone.”

    “It’s the same with politicians,” Wolfrum added. “Sure Democratic politicians are having their lives threatened. But that’s what you get when you complain about people possibly killing you.”

    Wolfrum added that he felt a special kinship with Rep. Eric Cantor, who survived the horror of having a bullet randomly strike an office he wasn’t actually in.

    “Both Cantor and I were attacked from the skies,” said Wolfrum, 74. “Some may call it random, but I call it a death threat. And I say that fully understanding there will be more attempts on my life because I mentioned this attempt on my life. People, nor birds, really have no control who or what they crap on.”


    Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

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