The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Unemployed guy who doesn't care about his social media reputation says anything he wants

    By William K. Wolfrum on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 9:29am | Humor & Satire

    God celebrates the DNC folding over a non-issue. DES MOINES -- "Gay people are made of orange peels and frog legs," shouted William K. Wolfrum.

    "Black people poop pumpkin pie!" Wolfrum added.

    Wolfrum, who is unemployed, said he was practicing his First Amendment rights to say anything he likes.

    "Mexicans have four nipples," bleated Wolfrum.

    Wolfrum, who said he doesn't care about his social media reputation, said he felt free to say whatever he wished because the government would not charge him with a crime or detain him in anyway.

    "I'm free," said Wolfrum, 46. "Icelanders drink squirrel milk!!"

    Wolfrum, however, admits that he understands his radical viewpoints mean that he will struggle to find future employment.

    "Oh, yeah, I'm screwed," said Wolfrum. "Maybe I can see if Obama will step in and force someone to hire me. If not, I don't see anyone hiring me. Or even talking to me much."

    Wolfrum, however, said what really mattered was his freedom to say important things that truly mattered and drove social change.

    "All Irish people have butterscotch in their hair," blathered Wolfrum.

     

    --WKW

    Topics: 
    Humor & Satire

    Comments

    While flipping channels today I stopped at MSNBC's "Morning Joe". The was some Conservative website guy talking about First Amendment rights and the chilling effect a firing would have. While other panelists were agreeing about free speech, Mika B asked if he would hire or continue to employ someone who voiced those anti- Gay or condescending racial viewpoints. Crickets.

    The Duck Dynasty folks don't need A&E's money. It will be interesting to see where this ends.


    by rmrd0000 on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 9:51am

    If everybody doesn't have a constitutional right to an A&E reality show, how on Earth do you explain the quality of A&E reality shows?


    by Michael Maiello on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 10:00am

    I wondered why girls are always sniffing around the back of my head ...


    by Donal on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 11:09am

    Irish people do have butterscotch in their hair. It's a fact.


    by tmccarthy0 on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 1:01pm

    We, the Management, regret the publication of this article and humbly apologize to the United Squirrel Milk Producer Federation and its members. Squirrel milk is a healthy and delicious beverage, enjoyed by millions of people of all races, nations, and economic stratums. Mr. Wolfum's denigration of the good citizens of Iceland for their appreciation of this fine product is heinous and nauseating. 

    We have suspended Mr. Wolfrum without pay effective immediately pending a formal employee review. Since he is not actually an employee here--or anywhere, really--this may take some time, but we assure readers that our team of well-compensated lawyers will hound this Wolfrum person to the ends of the earth or Des Moines, whichever comes first.


    by Michael Wolraich on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 2:04pm

    We of the TreedBaggers Internet support group's annoying rejoinder committee object to the persecution of Mr. Wolfrum on matters of personal right & taste which are obviously superior to the low morals of furry disgusting rodents and sub-quality beverages they emit. Once America prided itself on the fact that milk is obviously white, like he-llo? and now we've tainted ourselves with the likes of grey squirrels, red squirrels - who knows, pink or rainbow probably comes next. Wherever they came from, send them back, and leave Mr. Wolfrum in peace - he's obviously suffering from society's dumbing down of traditional values such that of any job that's left, it's not worthy of his superior intellect and work ethic.


    by PeraclesPlease on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 2:23pm

    When Abraham Lincoln wrote the Declaration of Independance, he warned against this type of oppression.


    by William K. Wolfrum on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 2:45pm

    When Samuel Adams wrote the Articles of the Confederalists Papers he warned us that something like this would happen.


    by Michael Maiello on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 4:22pm

    When Ming the Merciless penned the Magna Carta, he warned us that this wouldn't be the last.


    by PeraclesPlease on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 4:57pm

    When I said this would happen nobody listened.  Rubber rooms suck.


    by Ramona on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 6:58pm

    Ah, Napoleon, good to see you - was wondering when you'd show up. Jack the Ripper says hi.


    by PeraclesPlease on Sat, 12/21/2013 - 3:46pm

    Amscray and Toodle-oo.  You never saw me.


    by Ramona on Sat, 12/21/2013 - 4:38pm

    Ah, yes.  Ming Dynasty.  Now that was a great A&E reality show.


    by Michael Maiello on Sat, 12/21/2013 - 7:59pm

    Mr. Wolfrum sez you didn't pay him enough anyway, so he laughs heartily in your general direction.


    by tmccarthy0 on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 4:05pm