While Democrats face the potential of an ugly November that will see their advantages in both the House and Senate disappear, there is still a possibility they could be saved from the rampaging GOP. The results in the mid-term elections depend all on one man – President Barack Obama. He can still save the day for the Dems.

But he needs to start blowing some shit up, and pronto.

Now, I’m well aware that the U.S. is still mired in quagmires in Iraq and Afghanistan and doing battle in shadow wars in Yemen, Pakistan and God knows where else.

But the public has completely lost interest in these battles. And for good reason. Did you see the 8th season of Friends? These things get stale after a while. The public loses interest and moves on to other issues, like how taxing people who make over $250K per year 36 percent is capitalism, but taxing them 39 percent is communism.

But it’s time for Obama to follow the path of other great leaders, who turned to war when things their approval ratings dropped. Margaret Thatcher attacked the Falkland Islands. Ronald Reagan took on Grenada. George H.W. Bush brought the fight to Panama.

Examine these examples, because they are important. None of them made a lick of geopolitical difference or even solved anything. But we won. And the leaders in question saw their approval ratings soar. Folks, Obama doesn’t need war for war’s sake. He needs a Winning war for war’s sake.

America has way too many theoretical wars going on, where victory can only be known 30-50 years down the road, if then. Victory in Afghanistan? What the hell does that even mean?

No, what Obama needs is some type of three-week mini-war where the U.S. can do some damage, declare victory, and leave. The public will go berserk, trust me. If there’s one thing the American public loves, it’s getting behind a jingoistic war effort for the benefit of nothing.

That is why I propose that Barack Obama declare war on Australia. Immediately. He can make up whatever reason he wants. They’re harboring Mel Gibson. They eat Vegemite. They insist Australian Rules Football is a sport. It makes no difference. Any reason at all will do.

But Bill, you say, Australia is our ally. Well, of course they are. That’s why we’ll make it quick and try and just bomb the crap out of uninhabited areas. Or blow up some aborigines. The darker the victim, the less anyone in the U.S. really cares. Sure the hippies will bitch about it, but no one listens to them, anyway.

Honestly, I don’t think Australians would get all that upset. The overall effect will help the world’s economy, after all. And Australians are REALLY laid-back folks. They’d be cool. And Americans can very easily be convinced that Australia deserves a good bombing. George W. Bush was four IQ points away from being a literal moron and he convinced everyone that Saddam Hussein caused 9/11. And the whole nation got behind him.

Basically, convincing an American to go to war is about as tough as convincing your average Tea Party member to believe anything.

As for Congress? Seriously, didn’t Bush prove to us all, once and for all, that Congress is an impotent sludge that will go along with whatever war a President wants, regardless of reasoning? When it comes to war, no one wants to be the one standing in the way. Bombs equal votes.

My friends, this is the kind of war America needs. The kind that CNN can make music for while featuring round-the-clock coverage. Even Fox News would be helpless. Too many Fox News pundits just want war, reasoning be damned. Do you think they’d start supporting the dirty, nefarious Aussies. Well, they might. But that’s neither here nor there.

What matters is that Congress is in the balance. The Democrats have failed utterly in the messaging war with the GOP. Only a real(-ish) war will turn the tide now. Only a glorious, all-American victory with fireworks and night-vision video of bombs blowing something up will save the Democrats. Once the first bomb hits the 20 miles outside of Melbourne, Obama’s approval ratings hit 80 percent and every war-supporting Democrat gets re-elected.

My friends, it’s time to attack Australia. It’s the only way to get the American people back on the Democrat’s side. Plus, it’ll knock that bastard Gibson down a peg.

–WKW

Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles