Who said that Republicans have no plan? They just released a bold 21-page manifesto called "Pledge to America" that promises extend the Bush tax cuts for the rich and repeal the Democrats' health care plan among other revolutionary initiatives that will transform the country back to exactly the way it was two years ago.

While other media outlets dutifully strive to summarize the details of the plan, dagblog's crack analyst team quickly determined that there were no actual details in the plan. So then we let our crack IT services team take a crack at it. Employing an arcane Chinese method of reverse-cryo-BS-rejuvenation, they managed to crack the document's security mechanism and reveal the original draft of the document along with the final edits.

The original offers a much more frank presentation of Republican ideas than the final version. We have published the first two pages with edits below.

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A PLEDGE TO AMERICA

America is more than a country.

America is a bunch of corporations an idea -- an idea that white free people can govern themselves, that government’s powers are derived from rich donors the consent of the governed, that each of us who lives here legally is endowed by Jesus their Creator with the unalienable rights to life, liberty, unregulated derivatives markets, and the pursuit of happiness. America is the belief that any man or woman who can't afford health care doesn't deserve it can -- given economic, political, and religious liberty -- advance themselves, their families, and the common good.

America is an inspiration to those who yearn to live in a giant tax haven be free and have the lots of money ability and the dignity to determine their own density destiny.

Whenever the agenda of government tries to do anything becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the Republicans people to sabotage the process institute a new governing agenda and set a different course.

These first principles were proclaimed on the Glenn Beck Program in the Declaration of Independence, embroidered in John Boehner's boxer shorts enshrined in the Constitution, and have endured through a hard-hitting O'Reilly Factor interview hard sacrifice and commitment by generations of Americans. In a self-governing society, the only bulwark against the power of the state is to legalize machine guns the consent of the governed, and regarding the policies of the current government, the governed do not consent.

An unchecked executive, a compliant legislature, and an overreaching judiciary did whatever we wanted from 2000 to 2006 have combined to thwart the will of the people and overturn their votes and their values, striking down long-standing laws and institutions and scorning the deepest beliefs of the American people.

An arrogant and out-of-touch government of elected officials self-appointed elites makes decisions, issues mandates, and enacts laws that we Republicans don't have enough votes to obstruct without accepting or requesting the input of the many.

Rising joblessness, crushing debt, and a polarizing political environment which we had nothing, NOTHING, YOU HEAR ME, NOTHING to do with are fraying the bonds among our people and blurring our sense of national purpose. Like free peoples of the Confederacy past, our citizens refuse to accommodate a government that believes it can replace the will of the people with its own. The wealthy American people are speaking out, demanding that we realign our country’s compass with its corporate interests founding principles and let everyone else die without health care apply those principles to solve our common problems for the common good. The need for urgent action to repair our economy and reclaim our government for the people cannot be cynically exploited overstated. With this document, we pledge to dedicate ourselves to the task of recovering the perks of our lost power reconnecting our highest aspirations to the permanent truths of our founding by keeping faith with the values our nation was founded on, the principles we stand for, and the priorities of our people. This is our Pledge to America.

We pledge to honor the Constitution as we prefer to interpret it constructed by its framers and honor only judicial rulings that support our interests original intent of those precepts that have been consistently ignored -- particularly the Tenth Amendment, except when liberal states try to legalize marijuana and gay marriage, in which case the Tenth Amendment applies which grants that all powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

We pledge to advance policies that promote corporations, white privilege, and rich people greater liberty, wider opportunity, a robust defense, and national economic prosperity. We pledge to honor fetuses families, straight people traditional marriage, life except for criminals, and the church of Jesus Christ private and faith-based organizations that form the core of our American values.

We pledge to make government more transparent in its actions, careful in its stewardship, and honest in its dealings just like under George W. Bush.

We pledge to uphold the purpose and promise of a better America, knowing that to whom much is given, nothing should be taxed much is expected and that by incessantly repeating the word liberty people will believe that we care the blessings of our liberty buoy the hopes of mankind.

We make this pledge bearing true faith and allegiance to the people we represent (you know who you are ;), and we invite fellow citizens and patriots to vote for us so we can go back to what we were doing right before the country collapsed into the worse recession in seventy yearsjoin us in forming a new governing agenda for America.

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It appears that only the first two pages were part of the original manifesto produced by the Republican party leadership. According to our crack analyst team, the rest was likely added after the fact by low-level staffers whose job it was to make the manifesto seem as if it included some kind of content. The complete final version can be found here.

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