SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico — Sen. Hillary Clinton announced at a press conference here today that she is abandoning her bid for the Democratic nomination to run for the papacy of the Roman Catholic Church. Her move hands the hard-fought nomination to Barack Obama.

In a press conference sure to generate more questions than it answered, Clinton declared herself the likely nominee to become pope despite the fact that she is not Roman Catholic, not ordained and that popes are elected under church law only by the College of Cardinals when a vacancy exists. Pope Benedict XVI is still alive and healthy. The Vatican has not issued a statement in reaction.

"Riding across Puerto Rico in my Pope-mobile these past few days, seeing this beautiful island and meeting all these wonderful Catholics, I was reminded how strongly Catholic have supported me in other places like Ohio and Pennsylvania," Clinton said. "I woke up today with an epiphany — a real revelation — that Catholics want me to be their pope. And so it makes sense, finally, to withdraw from the Democratic campaign and focus on an office that I can win without having to count Florida and Michigan twice."

Clinton praised supporters of her Democratic campaign in all 50 states and the several U.S. territories. "I know many people will be disappointed with my decision to concede, and they have worked their hearts out for me and I won't forget that," she said. "But we're in another fight now, and I just know my supporters won't mind becoming Catholics. We have to send a message that it's time being pope wasn't just about doing God's work, it's about doing women's work!" That remark drew light applause.

"My first act as Pope Hillary I is to issue this papal decree: More Catholics have voted for me than for any other pope in history, so I must humbly declare myself winner of the pope contest!" Clinton shouted as aides whisked her away.

Campaign spokesmen Harold Ickes and Howard Wolfson issued a joint statement that they have resigned from Clinton's Democratic campaign and are weighing their options regarding any positions with the Holy See.