59-year-old Karl Rove is out to prove to the world that nice guys finish last and that evil douchebags finish in love. Tighten your security and prepare to be politically mauled as this Republican Political Operative is ready to trash reputations and destroy lives as the Bachelor.

While it’s all fun and games with the pretend tough guys over at Overstock.com, Patrick Byrne and crew have done all us financial layman a favor – they’ve made the term “Cookie Jar Reserve” easier for us to understand.

I have never served in the U.S. military. It was never really an option for me, as I tend to be quite cowardly and flee at the first sight of trouble. Also, I’m about as disciplined as Dennis Rodman. In fact, not only have I never served, I don’t really even know anyone currently serving. Nonetheless, I know exactly what men and women in the military are thinking.

While I, as much as anyone, understand the difficulty in making money on the Internet, I have generally tried to avoid doing baser things in order to make my Web site more profitable. Like, for instance, I haven’t made it a porn site or relied on scantily clad women to get extra hits. I have had my moments of weakness, mind you, but the most part, mine is a fairly dry site if getting wet is what you’re after.

The Huffington Post, however, is about eight minutes away from becoming a full-on masturbation magazine.

There is a Judd problem in the U.S. these days. Whether named Bagley, Gregg or Wynonna, the name Judd has been slung through the mud, as it now carries baggage like pedophilia, pederasty, murder and more. One needs an Apple iPad to keep track of the carnage. Some recent examples:

Dear America,

Regarding Marxism: Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up!!!

While society has many ills, few threaten it as much as Apple’s release of the iPad*. This computer-esque piece of modern technology not only threatens society, but the entire planet, as well. In a world where swift communication is king, the iPad promises to take it to an new, exciting, and deadly plateau.

NEW YORK – In a shocking development today, arch-terrorist Khalid Sheikh Mohammed broke out of Guantanamo Prison, personally defeated the entire U.S. military, overthrew the U.S. Government and forced all Americans to abide by Sharia Law.

During last night’s Grammy Awards, Michael Jackson’s children Paris and Prince Jackson accepted a Lifetime Achievement Award on behalf of their late father, in what was easily the most moving moment of the show.

When it was announced that President Barack Obama and super-hunk hottie Senator-elect Scott Brown were 10th cousins, I was as amazed as anyone. They look so different, after all. And their politics are different. It’s freaking mind-blowing stuff, if you ask me.

WASHINGTON – Following President Barack Obama’s State of the Union Address and open-forum question-and-answer session with House Republicans, the GOP has announced a new plan to deal with they call “Obama Policy Nonsense.”

Our cousins across the pond took former Prime Minister Tony Blair to task yesterday during an Iraq War Inquiry. Not to be out done, the Obama Administration has announced it is ready to do its own investigation – of the Bowl Championship Series.

From ESPN:

WASHINGTON – At a special press conference today, media heroes Sen. John McCain and Republican leader Newt Gingrich said that former Presidential candidate John Edwards is an adulterous lowlife that has no business being in politics.

This is fun. Go to Google and type in – Chuck Norris Homophobic Prick. Then hit “I’m Feeling Lucky.” Trust me, I won’t be sorry.

–WKW

Chuck Norris facts are fun. I can’t deny that. But never forget that the man is a hateful, ignorant homophobe.

From Chuck Norris:

There was a time not long ago that Osama bin Laden was the world’s most feared man. The 9/11 mastermind was “Wanted: Dead or Alive.” He was the devil incarnate.

Now, he’s an environmentalist. From the Washington Post:

My friends, the United States is at a difficult place in its history. More difficult than the Civil War when brother fought brother. More difficult than the Great Depression and its 25 percent unemployment. More difficult than the turbulent 1960s with its hippies, communists and rash of assassinations. More difficult than the years we were tortured with the knowledge that Bill Clinton received oral sex. Ok, maybe not that difficult, but I’m on a roll so bear with me.

BRAZIL – Blogger William K. Wolfrum stared off into the distance, desperately trying to come up with an idea worth writing about. Looking forlorn, he finally gave up the chase and went to bed. It was 3 p.m.

“There’s nothing, just nothing,” said Wolfrum. “Not anymore.”

CAVE 11, Pakistan – Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden, upset that his most recent video failed spectacularly, has announced plans to “retool” his show.