The day before the Pennsylvania primary, Barack Obama's campaign has been rocked by news of another troublesome relationship. There have been reports that Obama is separated by only six degrees from mass-murdering terrorist Osama Bin Laden. According to the reports, Obama's kindergarten teacher's family friend's cousin's doorman's grandmother was the kindergarten teacher of mass-murdering terrorist Osama Bin Laden.

Perhaps you've heard of Barack Obama's shocking condescension to the good working people of small town Pennsylvania and Hillary Clinton's courageous defense of their blissful collective mental health. We Democrats, it seems, have a problem connecting with the happy little working people, which is a bit of a shame because their votes would really come in helpful this November. They used to be our little people, you know, before Reagan stole them away from us with his family values sham. I think it's time to get them back.

This is a three part series. I recommend that you first read Part I and Part II, or you will be confused and slightly disoriented. You may experience sensations of nausea.

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Live dance-off blogging. Remember, the outcome of the dance competition will determine the Democratic nominee. There are three competitions: ballroom, breakdance, and free-style.

This is a three part series. I recommend that you first read Part I, or you will be confused and slightly disoriented. You may experience sensations of nausea.

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I'm now in the rehearsal studio with the Clintons. I'm impressed with their tango. Hillary in particular seems poised and disciplined. They've been drilling the same step for half an hour. Bill seems like he's fading a bit, and they've agreed to take a break to answer a few questions:

Back in the warm, fuzzy days of January in South Carolina, Barack Obama was asked whether Bill Clinton deserved to be called the first black president. He replied "I would have to, you know, investigate more of Bill's dancing abilities...before I accurately judge whether he was in fact a brother," to which Hillary Clinton replied, "I'm sure that can be arranged."

All the Obama people can talk about after their savior got his butt kicked is math, math, math, math, math, math, math. Whatever. I respect math. Without math, there'd be no particle physics, sports stats, or sudoku, and it would be hard to figure out if you'd received the correct change. But let's not overdo it. First, math isn't tangible, so we can't know for sure if it even exists. Second, it's confusing, and anything confusing is probably a government conspiracy.

Many of you may have read the story about how Ian Brodie, chief of staff to the Canadian Prime Minister said that a Clinton representative had downplayed Hillary's Nafta comments to the Canadian embassy: "He said someone from (Hillary) Clinton's campaign is telling the embassy to take it with a grain of salt. . . That someone called us and told us not to worry."

The latest ad from the Clinton campaign includes yet another photo that some liberal bloggers suspect as having been doctored. Clinton campaign spokesman Jay Carson said, "this is a bogus assertion.
Ads look different based on software, screens, computers, television,
etc."

I'm no photoshop expert, but I think that this one is pretty clear. Judge for yourself:

I have no problem with Mike Gravel. He's run a fine race, and his innovative ad campaign will be studied by strategists for years to come. The one with the rock broke ground never before broken by any candidate and likely never to be broken again, unless he runs in 2012. The mental image of his determined stare still gives me goosebumps. I also appreciate his important contributions to the Democratic debates, though I don't really remember them. But if I remembered them, I'm sure that I would appreciate them. It's not my fault that I wasn't paying attention.

The Hillary Clinton campaign has reportedly thought up a new strategy for winning the Democratic nomination that is even more divisive than the super-delegate route: Poisoning Obama's elected delegates so that they cannot appear at the convention. "I swear it is not happening now, but as we get closer to the convention, if it is a stalemate, everybody will be going after everybody’s delegates," a senior campaign official told the Politico. "All the rules will be going out the window."

This post started as a comment, but due to popular demand, it's getting its own post. (Does one request constitute popular demand?) Much ado has been made in recent years about which presidential candidate voters would prefer to have a beer with, but we all know that beer buddiness is a poor measure of electability. I love my beer buddies, but I wouldn't vote any of them for city council, let alone president.