Hey kids, it's me, Bill. I hope you like the headline to this post, as it will be coming in book form soon. And not the Genghis translation of soon, which equals 14 weeks. He's like a Brazilian that way.

It’s April 20, 2010, and let me call it now – President Barack Obama will easily win re-election in 2012. Any discussion you hear about the 2012 presidential election is just a way to wile away the hours between the next Lindsay Lohan and/or Kim Kardashian news.

There’s three indisputable reasons to call this race so early:

1) The economy will be better in 2011 than it is now.

Easily the best thing about being a blogger is the ability to control your image. I know there are many bloggers out there who will scream “I keep it real,” but won’t mention the time and details necessary for said realness.

Myself, for instance. I come off much nicer as a blogger than as a person. And to be honest, it’s not like I come off all that nice as a blogger. I suppose what I’m getting at here, is that I want you all to know more about me.

I’ve been to jail but not prison.

I may have committed consensual sodomy in Texas at a time it was illegal.

Rep. Michele Bachmann’s (R-MN), known for her invented attacks on President Barack Obama, today announced that Hollywood is one big Hitler, that adorable little dogs are demons and that Jesus Christ does her hair.

"He is just so good," said Bachmann.

Thus will all be discussed next week, along with an exclusive 20-minute interview with John McCain while he bottle feeds a baby deer, next week on Meet the Press.

--WKW