OR...MEET THE FOCKERS!

Trent Lott drove to the mansion of Ted Cruz for the 'event'.

Many things were on his mind.

Why am I doing this?, thought the old Senate Majority Leader.

But Cruz represented the New Hope!

Lott had been in the business of making money for so long he forgot about principles.

But then again, principles had nothing to do with his representation of Mississippi all those damn years.

WHAT IN THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?

Ah hell, I am making more money than 99.5% of all the constituents I have ever represented; I need some time off for chrissakes. Trent thought, what the hell, go with it.

The former Senator arrived at the curved drive way of the Senator from his neighbor's state and a footman opened his passenger door for entrance into the mansion.

The Texas Senator appeared in the doorway.

Well Senator Lott, this is a pleasure beyond all expectations!

Well it is certainly a pleasure to meet you in person, Senator Cruz!

There was an immediate connection between these two Southern Dogs for sure.

Ted lent Trent into the corridor and they found themselves in this plush gentleman’s room.

(No not the loo you idiots. The place where plantation owners sit and talk trash about women and Nigras and such with no recriminations whatsoever!)

Okay, so I understand that I am invited on some sort of trip or something, Lott posited.

Senator Lott, we are goin gater hunting on one of your own home grown swamps with three of our very good friends.

HOLY SHITE, responded the old Majority Leader.

I knew we would have some fun!

The two spent the evening drinking fine Kentucky Bourbon and smoking fine Cuban Cigars and discussing Obamacare and socialism and comunism and women's lib and big government and environmental nazis and how to make money in the South!

It was wonderful for both of these fine leaders.

Ted had his driver take them both over state lines, following through Louisiana and into Mississippi and down to the swamp mecca and there appeared this great great playground known as the Southern Recreation Center.

How much does this cost? Senator Lott exclaimed as he was directed out of the limo.

Trent was truly awed by the spectacle of a giant Southern Mansion that seemed to be cross between Disney World and Thomas Jefferson's Estate!

Don't worry a whit Trent, some PAC pays for all of this, including drinks. Hahahahahahahah

Both Senators were directed to their rooms; their 2000 square foot temporary abodes by Black Folks who were immaculately dressed in Plantation Best and presented smiles that could only bring to mind Rochester and old characters from Gone With The Wind!

Following the time it takes to wash the road off, as they like to say, a knock came upon Trent's door!

It is I, Ted, Senator Lott and it is time that we meet with our compadres in the hot tub!

Trent opened the door and asked:

A hot tub? I kind of gave that up when I had to face Teddy in the old days.

Oh, but you will love this hot tub Senator, I mean we have three friends who look nothing like Teddy! Ha

Trent found his trunks and a robe and followed his coordinator down the great staircase, finding himself on the ground floor.

Once he was grounded, Trent Lott also followed a trail of wondrous tile down toward the South end of this magnificent mansion exposing two glass doors.

These doors led to this wonderful hot tub; bubbling wonderful scents that reminded the Majority Leader of the wonders of the Old South!

Trent began to weep until he saw the three other figures waiting or wading in the tub, as it were.

There was Pat Buchanan.

There was Jeff Sessions.

And there was Representative Steve King!

Holy Christ, exclaimed Lott!

OH YOU MADE IT. THANK THE LORD ALMIGHTY, TRENT LOTT MADE IT AFTER ALL!

Let me tell you folks that these five men were drinking and laughing and consorting (not in a bad way of course, I mean they never touched their sacred parts or anything....although there were those kind of looks from time to time!)

Trent did at one time have to lean over to Ted and whisper:

The rumor is that Pat does use Depends from time to time, I mean are you sure that this hot tub is free of uncomely germs?)

At this point Pat spills his Scotch on the 'mechanism' and there were sparks galore! It was one scary sight to be sure.

And this world wind or tornado kind of thing and....whoa!

The five men found themselves in this strange hot tub that kind of looked like a still during the 30's.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Slowly they all caught their breath and headed out back into the mansion!

Just then, at the point where visitors would have been led to their rooms, a giant mirror appeared and there stood all five statesmen; except the figures appearing in the mirror did not exactly coincide with their images...as they had imagined.

Instead of Trent, there stood Strom Thurmond.

Instead of Ted Cruz, there stood the late great Jesse Helms.

Instead of Jeff Sessions, there stood George Wallace!

Instead of Steve King there stood Justice Taney!

Pat Buchanan was confused. I mean, there was Pat Buchanan; although much younger.

And actually Wallace and Helms and Strom and Taney also seemed much younger!

The five screeched after after four of the five began to blame Buchanan for the glitch. I mean, like Trent had warned, it could have been that Buchanan's Depends led to some strange wormhole or somethin!

WHAT'S GOIN ON HERE?

An extremely tall Black Man entered the corridor with a tray.

He headed for Cruz/Helms.

Massa Helms, I was tolden to give ya this here message.

(The Black Man was thinking: Stupid mofo. Someday THESE WHITE IDIOTS ARE ALL GOING TO PAY....someday)

Cruz/Helms picked up the note.

THIS IS APRIL OF 1964 AND THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE OF STOPPING THE INEVITABLE!

Okay, okay thought Cruz.

We must have a meeting, a conversation and develop a plan to better utilize this strange time/space malfunction.

People, listen to me:

I do not have the slightest idea what just unfolded today, but us five might have a great chance at changing history.

And as an aside, I have no frickin idea what Justice Taney is doing here for chrissakes!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TO BE CONTINUED

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Buchanan contributed:

Well ya know Hitler wasn't all wrong!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5csB6QGw4U

Parents have a right to insist that godless evolution not be taught to their children. 

George Wallace:

Strom Thurmond

The white people of the South are the greatest minority in this nation. They deserve consideration and understanding instead of the persecution of twisted propaganda...

If I had been elected president in 1948, history would be vastly different. I believe we would have stemmed the growth of Big Government, which had begun with the New Deal and culminated with the Great Society...

Segregation in the South is honest, open and aboveboard. Of the two systems, or styles of segregation, the Northern and the Southern, there is no doubt whatever in my mind which is the better.

at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/s/stromthurm195711.html#VPmLTckdH0D1loK8.99 

http://video.msnbc.msn.com/rachel-maddow/52997510#52997510

Jesse Helms

Helms, though, saw a much different opportunity: to give those conservative white voters in his state a reason to buck their partisan heritage and side with their Republican senator in ’84. Thus it was that he declared his intent to filibuster the King holiday, claiming the slain civil rights hero had been a devotee of “action-oriented Marxism” and that the movement he’d led had actually been a haven for Communists.

http://www.salon.com/2011/01/17/helsm_mlk_republicans/

Mr. Clinton better watch out if he comes down here. He'd better have a bodyguard...

Your tax dollars are being used to pay for grade school classes that teach our children that cannibalism, wife-swapping and the murder of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior

http://www.searchquotes.com/quotation/Mr._Clinton_better_watch_out_if_he_comes_down_here._He%27d_better_have_a_bodyguard./113630/

Ted Cruz gave a huge shout-out to North Carolina’s late unrepentant racist senator, Jesse Helms. Granted, it was at the Heritage Foundation’s annual Helms lecture, so he wasn’t the only person in the room who worshipped Helms. But he did give a somewhat strange reason for being so fond of the bigot, and wishing there were “100 more” like him in the U.S. Senate.

http://www.salon.com/2013/09/16/7_crazy_right_wing_statements_from_just_last_week_partner/

Jeff Sessions has been quoted thusly:

J. Gerald Hebert, a career Justice Department lawyer, gave testimony that doomed his nomination. He testified that Sessions had once called the NAACP and the American Civil Liberties Union “un-American” and “Communist-inspired.” He also said that they “forced civil rights down the throats of people.” He sealed his own fate by saying such groups could be construed as “un-American” when “they involve themselves in promoting un-American positions” in foreign policy. He is said to have made remarks that he thought the Ku Klux Klan wasn’t so bad until he found out that some of them smoked marijuana. He said these comments were made in jest. Right.

http://hinterlandgazette.com/2010/05/sen-jeff-sessions-with-racist-past.html

Justice Taney

Taney -- a staunch supporter of slavery and intent on protecting southerners from northern aggression -- wrote in the Court's majority opinion that, because Scott was black, he was not a citizen and therefore had no right to sue. The framers of the Constitution, he wrote, believed that blacks "had no rights which the white man was bound to respect; and that the negro might justly and lawfully be reduced to slavery for his benefit. He was bought and sold and treated as an ordinary article of merchandise and traffic, whenever profit could be made by it." 

 

Referring to the language in the Declaration of Independence that includes the phrase, "all men are created equal," Taney reasoned that "it is too clear for dispute, that the enslaved African race were not intended to be included, and formed no part of the people who framed and adopted this declaration. . . ."
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part4/4h2933.html

"For everyone who's a valedictorian, there's another 100 out there that weigh 130 pounds and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they're hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert,"King recently told Newsmax, referring to undocumented young people known as Dreamers. "Those people would be legalized with the same act."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/25/dreamers-cantaloupes-steve-king_n_3654418.html

THEME SONG FOR REPUB HOT TUB TIME MACHINE