Written by some schmuck in his pj's.

Directed by Mel Gibson

Produced by the National Republican Heritage Enterprise Institute

STARRING:

Mel the Gibson as Bravefart; the Jew hating, Black baiting, Mexicali desecrating misogynist, the new hope for the new age.

Tom the Tanning Credo as himself, the hope for the New Fourth Reich.

Perry the Texan as Zach the Wamp, a new face on the Confederate dollar bill and worth just about as much.

Chelsey Grammer as Mushmouth, aide to the Tanning Credo and investor in new networks for sociopaths.

Patricia Heaton as Lady Bachmann; peasant pig farmer newly wed to the Earl of Bachmann, a minor figure who purchased his earldom with funds earned in the lady undergarment industry.

David Hasselhoff as Crème De Mint of Carolina fame;

MINIME as Glenn the Beckerhead.

David Vitter as the Earl of Hostels; King of the White Slavers

Ethel Merman as Dame Palin, the whore with a heart and plenty of money from her old 'give & take' days.

Ann Coultier as DEATH.

AND INTRODUCING MIKA BRZEZINSKI AS THE BEAV

William the O'Reilly (narrator): I shall tell you of Andrew 
the Bravefart.  

Historians from England and elsewhere will say I am a 
liar, but history is written by those who hang 
certificates from Eastern Pointy Headed Universities 
on their walls and by those who read more than is 
normally justified.  

The king of Arizona had faded into the woodwork struck
with incontinence and accompanying a wife who was
approaching the century mark; all without naming a 
successor, and the African Earl of Hawaii, a cruel 
pagan known as Barack the Three Pointer, claimed 
the throne of America for himself.  The Heritage
Foundation's nobles fought him, and fought each 
other over the crown.  So Three Pointer invited 
them to talks of truce, no weapons, one page only
--well three pages really if you count the covers. 

(Not to be confused with The Pointer Sisters.) 

Among the Pundits from that shire was Andrew 
the Breithart, later to be known as the BRAVEFART, 
a tea merchant with his own lands and plunder; to
say nothing of his horrendous smell.  

Historical Prologue

The Tides Foundation had, through its members infiltrated the mercantilist class with one aim in mind...to hand Scotland over to New Brunswick.

The Journolists were drinking boiler makers at their favorite saloon and singing Give  Peace a Chance all the while planning to write a summary concerning the death of the middle class. 

Duke Dodd was polishing off his Financial Reform Legislation in the House of Lords hoping against hope that he had not pissed off the bankers too too much.

Duke Baucus had already finished off his Health Care Reform Legislation in the House of Lords hoping against hope that he had not pissed off the drug companies and the insurance industry too too much.

Grand Dame Pelosi was screaming her bloody head off that the 'Senior House' was ignoring the voice of the People along with the four hundred bills she had bundled with the help of Arch-Duke Stenny the Hoyer, all for naught apparently.

Meanwhile, Sir Bohner was not doing much of anything except picking up tips at the local ale houses.  And Sir McConnell was attempting to get his Kentucky accent honed for the holidays.

In the midst of this chaos caused by Lord Soros, one man stood up to defy them all.

http://mediamatters.org/blog/201007230022

BREITBART, THE SAVAGE

Wearing nothing but a kilt and an over shirt (with no underwear cause it had not been invented yet),  Breitbart the Savage began organizing other uneducated folks with the promise of free tea and half priced scones and the end of all taxes except in the grocery stores.

Scene opens with Breitbart, Earl of Nothingham dancing with his shadow in the corner of his Meade Hall in­­ the Grand Castle whilst Crème de Mint eats a sandwich on the floor.

In the background you can hear:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ycOp67eLoM

All of a sudden, Breitbart yells:

More cowbells...more cowbells.

In the corner of this strange scene hides the vassal Sir Tancredo with his aide Mushmouth.

Tell me Mushmouth, what prey tell doth my Lord need with cowbells?

Mushmouth looking very serious, stared down his knight and replied:

Our Lord gives and our Lord rings bells.

Sir Tancredo turned his back to Mushmouth, farted and walked into the darkness.

Scene II

Breithart: At last, the time for the gathering approaches.

Crème de Mint: Is this where we get to secede?

Breithart: No you idiot. If we succeed we will not have to secede.

Crème de Mint: You sure have a way with words.

Breithart: At last we shall vanquish and banish the Moors all at once.

Crème de Mint: I just love Shmoors, you know the trick is to get the marshmallows all smushy but you just should not over do it and then...

Breithart: Moors you idiot.  The Moors and the Mexicalis must be banished from our shores forever. Otherwise my daughter might marry one and pretty soon I will have fifteen brats running around calling me Senor or Big Daddy or some such.

MORE MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8zmkzshUvE

Breithart: I told you to stay. 

Beckerhead: Well, I finished my work.  Where are we going? 

Breithart: To the Vegas where liberals prance and Black 
Gay Preachers dance. It is called the Netroots Nation and
the treasonous throngs will all be there at one time. 
Three Pointer was supposed to visit when the

gathering was over.

Beckerhead: Can I come? 

Breithart: No.  Go home, little one. 
You can report on the goings on later in 
your own inimitable manner. Besides you 
said you would pay for the bullets, not 
shoot them yourself. Besides you are so
short your angle would be all off.

Beckerhead: But I want to go. 

Breithart: Go home Tiny or you'll feel the back of my hand. 

(Bravefart arrives in THE VEGAS at the Great Hall, 
finding that there is only silence.) 

(Bravefart arrives at the grand pavillion 

to find everyone at the gathering hanged) Holy Jesus! 

(Breithart hears someone at the back door.  He grabs 
an axe, assuming 

it is another Netroot who survived.  It is Beckerhead
at the door.)  

WE'VE WON THE DAY, WE'VE WON THE DAY screams Beckerhead.

All those rotten Netrooters dead. WE'VE WON THE DAY.

Breithart: You idiot, this is the counter gathering.

All our allies are lost!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_Ps_C1O1Ts





http://corky.net/scripts/braveheart.html