The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age
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    HOW TO BLOG GOOD: The Fifth Canon & Terseness

    By Richard Day on Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:56pm |
                             File:GeoreOrwell.jpg

                                                               ERIC ARTHUR BLAIR

    Orwell, "Politics and the English Language":

    "A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions, thus:

    1. What am I trying to say?
    2. What words will express it?
    3. What image or idiom will make it clearer?                 
    4. Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?

    And he will probably ask himself two more:

    1. Could I put it more shortly?
    2. Have I said anything that is avoidably ugly?"

    Orwell finishes with these rules:

    1. Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in  print.
    2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.
    3. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
    4. Never use the passive where you can use the active.
    5. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
    6. Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.


    March 13, 2009, 1:40PM

     

    As we travel through the universe called the netwebblogoshphere, we come upon many strange and wondrous new worlds filled with both familiar and alien peoples. In just a short period of time I have learned that there is life on other planets. Because some of the comments and posts that I have read could not have been prepared by human beings.  This continuing saga was based upon an essay prepared by Craig Crawford who has been a journalist for decades and runs a blog called Trail Mix at Congressional Quarterly a site I hit everyday. But the rules are all applicable here.


     Mr. Crawford was kind enough to join in the discussion during my first post on this issue, which was the first time that I actually wet myself blogging. Thank the good lord (blesses himself) for Depends which I had been using for those 'just in case' moments. I did feel better when I discovered it was the extra cup of coffee I had left on my lap. But I am sticking to the depends anyway, just in case.

    It may also be a good idea to keep a bib on at all times while you sit in front of the screen because every now and then I regurgitate as it were reading some of the comments and blogs available for review.  In fact, I have done so rereading some of my own stuff!!! Really, do not do this everyday . Do not be like me. Get a life for Chrissakes!! Get a job for Chrissake. Contribute something to society. As a matter of fact what are you doing reading this drivel at this very moment? Be like the Green Giant in my Arthur Saga and join a health club or sign up for a good porno site. They are available everywhere and for free because they make their monies selling accessories. At least that is what I learned from Bill O'Reilly. Because VIEWING porn sites is a mortal sin and I like to stick to venial sins like failing to wear a seat belt, or jaywalking or running a hedge fund.  But I digress.

    So we move on to Universal Canon of Ethical Blogging Five:


                                          THE TIME/SPACE CONTINUUM


     5. Be succinct. Blog commenting is not a place for lengthy lectures. Keep it short and to the point. You will find that your comments will be much better read. Generally, comments beyond 150 words should be reviewed before posting, in case a bit of editing might improve the readability of what you have to say.
        
    Now I do not worry about this canon much because I have an 'at home' editor. Her name is Sheilla and, except for spelling, she is very good and even offers some ideas to me if I am staring at a blank screen for more than an hour or so. And it is so funny because Sheilla will just come and go. When people visit me, which is at least once a month, she disappears. And then she will just 'be here' out of the blue, so to speak.

    Since that nice lady gave me those pills to take every morning, Sheilla does not show up that much anymore so we must remember to take personal responsibility for our own blogging. In other words on the web, act like a republican, take personal responsibility for your own actions unless you work in the stock market or something like that. But never, ever write like one. And if you read a comment from a repub, (except for Jason, I like Jason) always wear depends and a bib.

    Now there is only so much time and space available in the universe. I know this as fact, because they told me that on the Discovery Channel and the Discovery Channel would never lie to me.  That fellow with the     Campbell soup can who said that everyone has fifteen minutes of fame is just wrong. I mean there are over 300 million people in this country alone and if everyone got their fifteen minutes of fame it would take at least 300 thousand years or something like that for everyone to get their fame time in. I cannot get this calculator to work but it has to be something like that.

    So everybody cannot just run on and on and on or everybody on the net would lose their short term scroll memory and then the entire netwebblogosphere would explode, destroying many lives and making most blog advertising moot.

    Now I am going over that 150 word maximum for several reasons. First I love to hear myself type. Second, I have to stay sober till the first again, and this helps me take my mind off of fun times. Third:

    It's my blog and I can do what I want
    It's my PC and I can think what I want
    Show me I'm wrong
    Give me a cite
    And I will for sure
    Tell you to go fly a kite


    I also like to hear myself sing; which is why the court order took the sound out of my computer.

    Oh, and I should clarify, the 150 word limit is really not a limit, per se (I love to use latin words, it makes me feel learned). The rule is a guide to tell you that if you write over 150 words you should take more care to edit. And besides, whenever I write over 150 words, no one reads it anyway.

    But take a look at a perfect example from our own Sleepin'Jesus. He was commenting on a blog discussing certain improprieties in the financial markets:

    I believe I heard at one point that the English once threw bankers into a bag full of snakes that were then tossed into the Thames. Sounds apocryphal, but not likely. It'd be too cruel and unacceptable to treat snakes this way.

    Do you see how terse Sleepin' is in his comment? To the point. Well edited. And reciting history at the same time. This type of writing should be taught in all our elementary schools, the children would be more apt to stay awake after lunch.

    And further our Sleepin' clarified his point by underlining that he wished no harm to come to the snakes which would or should satisfy our friends from the ASPCA.

    Another good example of proper use of #5 in blogging is a comment by Bwakfat to one of the other rules commenting previously logged:

    Trucknutz! You forgot buttsects, too. I'll let it slide this time. Oh, and you misspelled rules, you fluffy lil dawg!"

    We had been discussing spelling or tone or something. But what Bwak proves in this instance is that you could always have comments ready before you even read the blog.
     
    As I was preparing a five hundred word response to Bwak's reply I noted that she might be providing a bit of satire to the discussion. I, of course, sent Sheilla over to have a talk with her about this.

    So please review this new rule and respond with as few words as possible and always recommend my blogs or I will send Sheilla over to your pc and she will really lay down the law.