And welcome to the corporate sponsored republican sponsored golf tournament of the century featuring 14 of the world's top 23 golfers in a field of 18. (What in god's name does that mean, anyway?)

Now as you know the proceeds from this tournament shall go to the Tiger Foundation.

Tiger will not be participating in the actual tournament. As you might already know, Tiger was in an automobile accident last week.

Oh so Tiger will not be 'participating'. Hahahahah thought Frank. Imagine; he is not appearing at his own goddamn tournament for his own goddamn foundation. Car accident my ass!

Frank liked to watch golf, mostly when he was when he was not otherwise involved and it seemed like he was not involved in much lately.  Even if he decided to work all Saturday at his PC, he could still keep the telly on and listen to it as background.

And he liked to watch each golfer demonstrate his own idiosyncratic stroll around the golf course.

Tiger of course always looks like he is at war; on the battlefield. You would think that there were rumors of land  mines planted on each fairway; yet our hero just could not be bothered with the issue of imminent death or injury and forges ahead and casting aside any threat to his person..

Michelson, the great white hope of course, kind of does an impression of the incredible Hulk. Boom, boom, boom...the earth shakes as he moves down a fairway. Frank remembered one tournament where V.J. Singh was complaining aloud of the damage the Great White Hope could accomplish just by hulking on the sensitive greens with over sized cleats..

And speaking of Singh; V.J. has this dance with his long legs. V.J. takes this lazy swing, almost a dance in itself. Such grace. Even when he slices one from the fairway, he kind of swings his iron with aplomb; more displeased with his stroke than cursing his fate.

Harrington by the way, with ancestors who knew not how to spell Patrick, kind of lunges down from the tee like Michelson but more like he is about ready to jump right into an Irish Jig.

What makes me wish to vomit however, is when the winner of the tourney thanks Jesus for the win. Perry and Cink are the latest examples of this blasphemy, this idiocy. I mean why in the fuck should Jesus, Our Lord & Savior, give one shite who wins a tournament put on by the rich, of the rich and for the rich? Oh yeah, because one percent of proceeds go to some rich medical foundation.  You call that tithing?

And thinking of golf; there is nothing more exemplary of the hubris of mankind than a golf course. I am man and I am now in control of all nature. No hedge shall be carrying an extra leaf. No reed from the pond shall extend to far above the waters. No tree limb shall extend unto the fairway that is not represented in that year's sanctified plans.  And no fauna shall be aloud on the grounds that are not sanctioned by the Club.

It was like these rich slave owners took a piece right from the bible:

 26And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. (Gen. 1-26)

Go out sometime with a real hunter.  The kind of guy who climbs up in the tree house put together with some two by fours and painted plywood. He or she sits in the cold for ten hours.  It is cold, there is brush and briers and twigs and branches. The modern day hunter who plays by the rules transports himself into 'nature'. We can get into the fairness of it all. I mean with these high tech rifles and scopes and even (in some places) the red light emanating from the scope onto the poor animal.

But the tree he or she waits in has not been molded or genetically designed. The natural grasses have not been mowed and seeded and watered and.........well you get the idea.

No a golf course is a perfect example of man taking full dominion over nature and the only manner in which nature can get back at this human hubris is by attacking with lightning and rain and flooding and all the good things nature does to the panoramic vista of the earth. Ha

Everything about a golf course is so goddamnable artificial. 

On my last day here, in this godforsaken place, I would like to load up all the glowing armadillos and transport them to the most expensive Nicklaus planned golf course in the country, the week of some grand tourney, and let them go onto the pretend garden of eden. Then disburse the lot at dusk, Wednesday, and hope the new denizens  greet the dawn at the first tee just as the Golf Channel is getting ready to film.

Oh and speaking of hunting, there is the vision of the mighty Stag, the ruling god of the forest. Come and get me he seems to say at times. And it is in our genes to take after HIM. To slay and to gut and to cook and to eat HIM. FOR THIS IS MY BODY, take ye and eat if you dare.

What the hell is genetic about three hundred dollar sticks and balls and the search for the holy cup?

Just then, in the midst of these profound musings, Frank heard the door bell.

Gentlemen. And I thought my Saturday PM would be a time of aloneness and contemplation.

Hello Frank. Let me introduce Mortimer from Pierre.

Hello Mortimer. Won't you both enter.

Frank showed them to the porch.

Are we consuming brewed hops or tea this afternoon, gentlemen?

Tea would do us both just fine.

Frank disappeared into the kitchen.

These are nice residences Langdon. I mean the homes are nice and the streets safe and all.

Well Morte, on the surface things seem to be quite suburban here. But this surface is similar to the way things looked on the economic front in '06. Underneath there is a boiling magma of evil, I am afraid.

Frank appeared with a tray full of goodies.

What the hell is this, I thought Julia had passed on Frank?

Oh, you had called last night and I like the kitchen. A place to put together puzzles you know.

Frank, we were just notified that Sphincter is missing. I think he is dead. Don't ask me why I think that, but I am sure from my sources that you will not see him againAnd from what our intelligence lets on, you are now number two at NORTHCO. Mortimer piped up.

I received a strange call the morning from the front office and I am to report bright and early to the fourth floor that does not exist, Mortimer.

You know these little white cookie thingies are quite good, noted Langdon. Are you telling us that there is some floor you have NEVER BEEN TO in your own building?

That is correct Langdon. Oh and these are scones, from Brittany; kind of a delicacy. Anyway, I told you last week that I happened upon that strange area or arena a few months ago. I do not even know the goddamn name of the man I am going to see gentlemen. I do not wish to become too personal here, but this is strange, even in the corporate world. Just remember, we are dealing with one NORTHCO installation here. I was present at one board meeting last year in New York; some presentation with this huge flat screen which took up the entire wall of the small auditorium. A man by the name of Farnsworthy presided.

Frank continued: I actually saw three different men there who looked just like Sphincter. And they had badges that said 'Sphincter'. I approached one of  them. 'Harold Sphincter' the badge said. I greeted him and when I pointed out that we had our own Mr. Sphincter in South Dakota he looked at me funny and just walked away. And I was shot down every single time I approached anyone present with a question concerning NORTHCO's product. So I just gave up. You boys understand, every year they give me a raise. I just cannot take it any longer.

Langdon inquired: Have you communicated recently with this Algernon Flower Frank?

Yes I have. He has been gathering samples of substances in our basement warehouse under my guidance and direction. He is actually driving them to your BAC in Sioux Falls today, remarked Frank. Algie has really been hurt by all this, as you well know Langdon and ....I hope he is not a serious suspect in the death of his friend Thomas.  Algie is a man possessed right now. He has real determination and is demonstrating that now.

I will call BAC on Monday. I had not heard this and it strengthens my faith in you Frank, Morte said.

Morte I think that there are real issues here concerning the environment at that the reports of these glowing trees and bushes along with the strange colored fauna demonstrate a real threat to our State. I was going to say community but if you are experiencing these problems all the way west of Pierre, we might be in the midst of an emergency. I have already notified the Feds at several different agencies. And with the new change in the Administration, I think we have an EPA that is serious about our environment once again.

Langdon, here is how I see it and I have done some research about all this. Now everyone speaks of the Land of 10,000 Lakes to the east of us. Wisconsin refers to them as ponds, of course. Haha But in point of fact Minnesota has about twenty thousand official lakes.

We have hundreds upon hundreds of lakes and reservoirs in our state together with the Missouri River system. Here is just an excerpt from a study examining one aspect of pollution in our lakes and rivers:

Chipps said the study helped answer why South Dakota first began to see high mercury levels in fish from some lakes in the years after about 2000 -- first in Bitter Lake, then in other lakes that include Highway 81 lakes, Lake Isabel, Lake Hurley, North Island Lake, Pudwell Dam, Roosevelt Lake, and Twin Lakes.

"By the time we got started with the research in 2004, we had about six lakes that had mercury advisories on them," Chipps said. "The question was, why do these particular lakes have high mercury concentration? Prior to that in South Dakota we really hadn't had any mercury advisories to speak of."

Though the health benefits of eating fish are well documented, human exposure to methylmercury from contaminated fish can pose a variety of health risks, with the severity depending on the amount of mercury consumed. The fetus and young children are considered much more sensitive than adults. Frequent exposure during childhood can damage the central nervous system and affect neurological function (with possible effects on learning, muscle development, motor function, and attention). In adults, high levels of mercury can harm the kidneys and brain and have also been linked to increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

Morte continued, that is just mercury as one pollutant and there are tens of thousands of pages written concerning the rising levels of this poison, its origins and its effect upon our citizens as well as our flora and fauna.

Now most people are aware of problems related mostly to sewage such as bacteria, viruses, protozoa, worms and other organisms. Depending on the levels found in our lakes and rivers, fishing is an industry that suffers immediately. But we begin to have real issues concerning our drinking water.

Nitrates and phosphates affect the growth of algae and other plants that affect the oxygen content of the water that can actually kill our children besides our fish.

Oil, plastics, and pesticides are just a few foreign elements coming from our own farms and manufacturers represent another class of pollutants.

Frank chimed in: this is all so complicated to those who do not deal with these issues on a daily basis. Shite, this is what government is supposed to study and is supposed to regulate. I mean in my little examination I noted that besides our river systems, natural and artificial reservoirs, lakes, ponds and marshes we are supposed to be worried about groundwater and water tables. It just goes on and on. And so we are discussing a water system. And it is like once something enters this system whether from our farmlands, our mining operations, our sewage systems...well the elements in all these entry points end up in the entire water distribution system. If something is added to the soil in North Dakota, it can easily end up in our drinking water. This information and study is all under some heading of hydrogeology or hydrology.

That is why I have attempted to alert as many agencies as possible Frank, responded Langdon. And I think some private environmental groups should be put on alert. I would like to see some independent tests done on the soil and groundwater. This is big. I mean if in fact NORTHCO or some other manufactures or some mining operations or some new damn fertilizer...or a combination of any of these activities have culminated in the kind of results I have been seeing here, the murders are least of my concern even though that is supposedly my primary purpose here.

Frank I have actually heard rumors that nobody at NORTHCO has children. There are reports of missing personnel. And I think that it is more than just coincidence that everything seems to center around NORTHCO. Otherwise why are all these problems occurring here? I sat with you within the last week and witnessed a squirrel with two heads and more than four legs, right outside that window.

Morte sat up and surveyed the lawn and pond outside the porch they were sitting in.

The three continued their discussion and Frank handed over some of the materials he had gathered from work; although he was still missing the files that he was sure were in the hands of Sean.

Have you guys seen Sean's dog? I mean they do not call him Sparky for nothing!!!

Read more: http://www.lenntech.com/water-pollution-faq.htm#ixzz0Z0XqiAQ1 

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/07/090706150148.htm

(To access previous episodes of this award winning series, stop by my blog site at:

http://forestroot125.blogspot.com/2009/12/northco-17-attack-of-armadillos.html)