Here is one more example of how badly the pharmaceutical companies need to be reined in. The New York Times is reporting that Wyeth hired ghostwriters to pen 26 articles that endorsed the use hormone therapy in women, while downplaying the negative side effects. The articles, published in influential medical journals between 1998 and 2005, did not adequately address the increased risk of cancer and dementia that accompanies hormone therapy. During that same time, sales of Wyeth's hormone drugs skyrocketed to nearly $2 billion. A federal study's findings contradicted the findings of the articles, and subsequently reduced the popularity among doctors of hormone therapy in women. Wyeth now faces a litany of lawsuits over the drugs. The documents shine a spotlight on a shady practice in which pharmaceutical companies will promote their drugs, even if it comes at the expense of patients' health. http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheat-sheet/?cid=hp:cheatsheet3#cheatrow_8154

Okay. It is time for a public confession. Of course my real name is not dikkday. He was some dufus I went to public school with. As a matter of fact he is the one who taught me how to end sentences with prepositions.  He smokes, his breath is atrocious and he waits till the last minute to wash his clothes.

I worked for Wyeth. I would get a call at three in the morning. They knew the bars would be closed and where to find me. I would simply get an email that usually said:

Alrighty then, we need something that tells the women out there that they can grow their mammories and work harder in the kitchen. This message will evaporate in five seconds. If you choose to accept this assignment you will be Dr. John Ahole from Johns Hopkins and you will find five c notes in an envelope in your box.

Well then I would work and work and get my letterhead all straightened out. You know with those flourishes and stuff like that.  Here is one of my letters:

TO MY INFLUENTIAL MEDICAL JOURNALS

We have completed an INDEPENDENT study concerning Wyeth Suburban Soma. This is a brand new female rejuvenator.

Out of 714 participants, over 600 are still alive. That is almost an 85% success rate.

I left those pretty graphs and such at home but believe you me, there was quite a success story in this Soma stuff.  And the selected group was large enough of a sample. I mean, we picked Ruth's home run record on purpose. And all he had was liquor and tobacco really. Well some hot dogs too....

Women from all over the country were chosen. And guess what?

After five or six months on this regimen (that means the same thing really as diet you know but you are an influential medical journal so you already know all this) 75% of those who survived found that:

They were better cooks.

Their husbands started looking so much better to them.

High heels were so much easier to walk in.

And the job at the mattress factory went by the wayside.

References given upon request.

(Signed),

John Ahole, M.D., PhD, MOC (Pronounced "Throat Wobbler Maingold")

PO Box 749C

Waterhole, Montana 77643

Well, I must make my confession public for many reasons.

First, they only sent me four C-notes and some pills. The bastards.

Second, the graphs and statistics that Wyeth sent along with my letter/article were below my normal standards. The coloring was all wrong for one thing.

Third, the pills I took.

I mean, where the hell can I find a proper bra with only one breast. It is adorable, do not get me wrong and I have fun with it two or three times a day.

And you know what else?  Brad Pitt is starting to look better and better to me.

But I still dream of Jolie or Joley or whatever the hell she calls herself. I mean with those botox lips and such.

It's just I can only urinate now when I sit down.

THE END.