Caesar and Alejandro arrived at the Avius Hostel with their two servants at dusk. It was the minimum in accommodations providing one room with a view of the ocean. The wind was coming off the sea and made a place to sleep more than palatable. That freshness cleared the room of odors better than Glade or lighted candles. After paying the Keep, they waltzed into the bar on the main floor.

BARKEEP. DRINKS ALL AROUND FOR I AM THE CAESAR!!!

Oh great, another one thought Furious, the Barkeep.  Who the frick frack is Caesar and who gives a....

There were only four patrons in the bar. Spread across two tables.

Alejandro whispered: Julio, we have not much money to live on and your bravado is surely an omen. I am your only counsel here and we must keep a low profile.  Save money and keep it down!!!!

CAESAR SUM. I am Caesar, and Caesar hides from no one. Not even on the lam. Ha.  BARKEEP WHERE ARE THOSE ALES?

Furious spread out the drinks at the bar and our quatrain took their seats at a table by the hearth.

Well thank you kindly for the refreshments Kisser. It is sorely needed by the lowest of  the low, cried the toothless Wondrous.

THAT'S CAESAR you toothless wonder. Ha

How did you know my name? Have we met before?

No. And for that I am most grateful.

Ha!!! A comedian if I ever heard one. Very good. But thanks just the same, replied Wondrous. Who are your friends, if I may inquire?

This is the great Alejandro. And these are my servants Fracus and BC.

Well this is my friend Amicus Briefo, pointing to his buddy. And those other two over there are barnacles taken off of our finest ship. We are not of the patrician class so we find our friends the old fashioned way! We hose em, hahahahahaha!

Any friends of Sulla here Wondrous?   Inquired Alejandro.

We stay out of politics Alleyoop. It brings us no joy and interferes with commerce. Why, is someone looking for ya?

No. We are on vacation and intend to drink up and leave well enough alone.

What treasures art thou looking for Wondrous? Alejandro asked,  ignoring the patent slam.

We come off the ship Jonas Bee. Captain Seegrus and us just unloaded fine perfumes and oils from Alexandria. We are picking up some wine here and will be on our way to Northern Africa. Two days we have for funning. Drinkin and ladies. That's vacation enough for us. HEEEYOOO.

Say amici, I understand Kisser and Alleyoop. But what the hell is BC?

Butticus  Clennicus at your soivace as they say. ARRGGGGHHH. BC grunted.

Shut the frick up BC, Alejandro commanded.

Butticus Clennicus. What the hell is that? Spat Wondrous. You actually clean the arses of your patricians? What the hell is that?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It is a most honorable post you dog. I will bet you spend your days smelling like ass all the time. ARGGGGHHH replied BC.

Did not I tell you to hold your tongue BC. NOW SHUT IT. Commanded Alejandro.

BC, sullen and hurt, worked on his ale.

Well the hours dragged on and following the tenth round, the boys became rather irrational. I mean, unless you were among the intellegentia in Rome or Alexandria or Athens, you would always be among the irrational. I mean it was like most saloons in Detroit, NYC or any local sports bar today. Beer and men never made a good mix, as it were, but beer and sailors was even worse.

Well, the booze had been pourin', and those who were not already snorin' became more and more verbose and vehement in their demeanor.

As the 'discussions' became more irate in tone, Furious thought that maybe he could make a talent or two off of all of this. I mean a talent will get your expenses paid for a year in those days. Unlike Hollywood today where talent is rarely recognized.  Furious summoned to his dwarf DeVitus and said as an aside:

DeVito, run around back and see if Marcellus is about. But keep it down and low, ok bro?

Marcellus the Lesser was the magistrate for this county and harbor and was always attempting to ingratiate himself with whoever was in power. Kind of like a smaller brained Alcibides or the cartoon character Joe Lieberman.  How can I get ahead? What are they doing for me? That was the mantra of Marcellus.

Meanwhile, our quatrain was becoming more and more in contra viri and at first, the vessels were flying. Then the chairs. And then the tables. A riot had ensued with only eight imbibers.

The local gendarme arrived well before the guard of Marcellus had been notified.

Furious was furious. I better not lose my reward gods damnit all.

THE NEXT MORNING, at the local gaol, our heroes along with four toothless sailors awoke in a common cell strewn with puke and urine.

What's all this then Caesar complained. How in Hades did we arrive here?  Caesar of course, never had any hangovers. He simply had his Caesar seizure and had awoken refreshed. Or relatively. Julio never enjoyed the company of braggarts except on the battle field and odors of the commoners were not his cup of tea.

Amicus Briefo was crying, sobbing about his fate. He was younger and this had been the first time he had been to sea with his uncle Wondrous.  Somehow he composed himself, found his lyre and began to sing:

We come off the ship John Bee

My granduncle and me

On harbor leave we did roam

Drinkin all night

Got into a fight

Well I feel so broke up

I wanna go home

So hoist up the John Bee's sail

See how the main sail sets

Call for the captain ashore

Let me go home, Let me go home. I wanna go home yeah yeah

Well I feel so broke up

I gotta get home

Well Wondrous he got drunk

Fought with this Caesar's skunks

The gendarmes had to come and take us away
Now I'm sitten in jail
Without any bail
Why don't they let us just sail, yeah yeah
Well I feel so broke up I wanna go home

So hoist up the J Bee's sail
See how the mainsail sets
Call for the captain ashore
Let me go home, let me go home
I wanna go home, let me go home
Why dont you let me go home
(hoist up the J Bee's sail)
Hoist up the J Bee's
I feel so broke up I wanna go home
Let me go home

Well this Caesar had  the fits
After actin' like a prick
And then his men  took and threw out all of this scorn
Let me go home
Why don't they let me go home
This is the worst trip I've ever been on

Not bad for a scummus Romanus. Ha. Declared Julio. The rest of the men promptly awoke to their fate.

Marcellus the Lesser sauntered in. The Great Caesar I presume. We shall escort you and your retinue to our ships. Our great leader Sulla is looking for you!!!!

The quatrain was led to one of Sulla's ships waiting for them in the harbor.

But this was just the beginning of the journey as the ship took up anchor and set its sails.