I have never served in the U.S. military. It was never really an option for me, as I tend to be quite cowardly and flee at the first sight of trouble. Also, I’m about as disciplined as Dennis Rodman. In fact, not only have I never served, I don’t really even know anyone currently serving. Nonetheless, I know exactly what men and women in the military are thinking.

There is a Judd problem in the U.S. these days. Whether named Bagley, Gregg or Wynonna, the name Judd has been slung through the mud, as it now carries baggage like pedophilia, pederasty, murder and more. One needs an Apple iPad to keep track of the carnage. Some recent examples:

While society has many ills, few threaten it as much as Apple’s release of the iPad*. This computer-esque piece of modern technology not only threatens society, but the entire planet, as well. In a world where swift communication is king, the iPad promises to take it to an new, exciting, and deadly plateau.

During last night’s Grammy Awards, Michael Jackson’s children Paris and Prince Jackson accepted a Lifetime Achievement Award on behalf of their late father, in what was easily the most moving moment of the show.