While the better part of the United States has tumbled into disarray with the fighting of multiple wars, war crimes, high unemployment and a completely screwed up financial sector, Hollywood has done very little to help out the nation. Sure, they’ve made movies and done some stupid things, but the U.S. is in desperate need of a BIG story to take their short attention spans away from the carnage.

WASHINGTON – Convinced that Max Baucus is still the key to his Presidency, President Barack Obama will forego his role in upcoming State of the Union Address, instead allowing the Senator from Montana give it.

Looking to capitalize quickly on the Supreme Court Ruling that allows corporations unlimited financial involvement in elections, McDonalds Corp. has announced it will soon begin a new contest called “You Pick the President.”

WASHINGTON – Senate Democrats, chastened by Republican Scott Brown’s Senate victory in Massachusetts, have admitted that they have learned a valuable lesson after seeing their advantage in the senate drop to a paltry 59-41. The lesson? Stop trying to do things.

“This is a wake-up call,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.). “It’s time to slam on the brakes and stop everything. The people have spoken.”