JUST DON'T CALL ME LATE FOR DINNER

You know, one of the benefits of school being out, in addition to your kids losing weight because they're starving to death out there because there's no school meal being provided, one of the benefits of school being out, college campi being vacant this time of year, is that our audience levels go up. I think, you know what we're going to do here, we're going to start a feature on this program: "Where to find food." For young demographics, where to find food. Now that school is out, where to find food. We can have a daily feature on this. And this will take us all the way through the summer. Where to find food. And, of course, the first will be: "Try your house." It's a thing called the refrigerator. You probably already know about it. Try looking there. There are also things in what's called the kitchen of your house called cupboards. And in those cupboards, most likely you're going to find Ding-Dongs, Twinkies, Lays ridgy potato chips, all kinds of dips and maybe a can of corn that you don't want, but it will be there. If that doesn't work, try a Happy Meal at McDonald's. You know where McDonald's is. There's the Dollar Menu at McDonald's and if they don't have Chicken McNuggets, dial 911 and ask for Obama.

There's another place if none of these options work to find food; there's always the neighborhood dumpster. Now, you might find competition with homeless people there, but there are videos that have been produced to show you how to healthfully dine and how to dumpster dive and survive until school kicks back up in August. Can you imagine the benefit we would provide people?   http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201006160041

Yessiree Bob, when the golden arches are not open to you because of deficiencies in your wallet; well there is nothing so satisfying as meandering through the dumpsters.

And there is a pride involved in all of this. Rand Paul is at the vanguard of all this dumpster business:

"As bad as it sounds, ultimately we do have to sometimes accept a wage that's less than we had at our previous job in order to get back to work and allow the economy to get started again," Paul explained. "Nobody likes that, but it may be one of the tough love things that has to happen."   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/21/rand-paul-to-unemployed-t_n_619793.html

It is called 'self-help'.  Aint no one gonna help you out of the fix you find yourself in except for your self.  So you got to plan.

First, do not buy food anymore. Think of all the money you will save. And one of the ways to keep from buying food is to take the time to look for it.  This is where Rush's advice is sooooooooo very important.

You might want to seek out the dumpsters BEHIND the Golden Arches in your neighborhood. Think of all the good food that people throw away each day. I have been in restaurants and noticed that a lot of people--yes even fat people--are not members of the clean plate club. I mean hundreds of thousands of pounds of French fries are thrown away each day.

Well the fries are not hot anymore, you might comment. Well, that is what they make microwaves for. You just scoop up all them fries and put them in a nice tin foil bucket, that's what I always do. Then you take them home and put them in the microwave on 'full' heat and then you place the potatoes on a micro wave safe plate and cover them with a paper towel. You do not even have to purchase paper towels either. I mean you will find all of the paper towels you could ever use, right in that dumpster. I mean since you are there and all it is so easy to take the paper towels--be sure to grab the dryer ones--and you are set after you place them in another bag.

Now I, personally, like to keep all my things in a shopping cart. (I found a shopping cart far away from my home that does not carry the insignia of the local store. I took off the insignia and glued on one of my old business cards.) Anyway, all the proper containers are in that cart so that when I find something special, like a fish sandwich which is only ¼ eaten, I can put that sonofabitch right in the correct container so that it will remain less contaminated.

Oh and do not dig deep down into the dumpster, at least at a restaurant, because I always go by the one hour rule. You know, the purest food will be that food which has been in the dumpster for less than an hour.

Just think how much money you will save by not buying food?

And think about how much exercise you will get looking for it?

I assure you that you can lose so much weight. And people actually pay those corporations to send them food so that they can lose weight!!! What idiots. No wonder they stay unemployed for so long.

Now when I lost my corporate position I was not going to wait for unemployment benefits to run out. Nosirreebob. I took a free lance position as a car window washer right by this bridge where the cars have to stop at a light on their way into town from the freeway.

Sometimes I pick up over ten bucks a day!!!

Sarah Palin leveled criticism at California's attorney general and others raising questions about her visit to a cash-strapped university, telling supporters that students had better things to do than dive through Dumpsters to find out how much she earns speaking.

The former Alaska governor's headline address Friday night at the 50th anniversary celebration at California State University, Stanislaus has drawn criticism and scrutiny since it was first announced. It also attracted sizable donations for the public school.

Officials have refused to divulge the terms of her contract or her speaking fee, and some details only came to light after students fished part of what appeared to be Palin's contract from a rubbish bin.

"Students who spent their valuable, precious time diving through dumpsters before this event in order to silence someone ... what a wasted resource," she told the crowd dining in the campus cafeteria.

"A suggestion for those Dumpster divers: Instead of trying to tell people to sit down and shut up ... spend some time telling people like our president to finally stand up," she said.

The material recovered by the students, which detailed perks such as first-class airfare for two and deluxe hotel accommodations, prompted California Attorney General Jerry Brown to launch an investigation into the finances of the university's foundation arm and allegations that the nonprofit violated public disclosure laws.

"Jerry Brown and friends, come on. This is California," Palin retorted. "Do you not have anything else to do?"

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/26/palins-california-state-u_n_626688.html

Well I would like to answer that last question for Jerry Brown, if you don't mind Sarah.

Sure, the dumpster divers dug up some bad shite about you. But think how this dumpster diving has helped the economy.

The kids may be unemployed but they are not going hungry. And besides food, they most likely found some extra clothing to wear. I mean in only four or five months it is going to get colder.

And Rush told us all to get into those college dumpsters in the first place.

And Sarah Palin, the last thing you would wish to do would be to contradict Rush Limbaugh.

So let's all sing along to this top forty tune in honor of Sarah Palin, hoping for the best of course:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5iseJJ5ogA