KENTUCKY CHICKEN

Ron Paul is no fan of the so-called 'Gold Standard'.

Yet Paul has a quirky obsession with the gold standard that just doesn't add up... Paul sent a lengthy email to supporters attributing his recent success to his opposition to the Federal Reserve and support for the gold standard. In various debates, he has also discussed monetary policy in answering completely unrelated questions. One gets the impression that this is priority #1 for Paul. As such, it deserves some consideration.

A common refrain by Paul is that the Fed "prints money" or just issues new currency whenever it needs cash...

On another front:

Sue Lowden, a Republican Senate hopeful in Nevada, has been widely mocked for earlier this week stating that, "before we all started having health care, in the olden days our grandparents, they would bring a chicken to the doctor, they would say I'll paint your house."

"I mean, that's the old days of what people would do to get health care with your doctors," she said. "Doctors are very sympathetic people. I'm not backing down from that system."  http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20003163-503544.html

I recently had the opportunity to interview Curly Rand Paul, son of the infamous Ron Paul about the Federal Reserve as well as our crumbling economy.

THE DICK:  Dr. Paul it is a pleasure to have this opportunity to meet with you.

CURLY RAND: Well thank you for having me. I am sick and tired of gotchya journalism. You have my typed set of questions, do you not?

THE DICK: I surely do Dr. Paul. And I guess to begin I would ask you this: When did you decide that you were going to accept the mantle of freedom from your father and become the one true hope for America?

CURLY RAND: Well it all started on a hundred thousand acre enclave in Surfside Beach, Texas.  I was almost eight when we moved there from Pennsylvania and it was there that I wrote my definitive work: If the South Had Won the Civil War.....

THE DICK:  Just one interjection here. I understand Doctor that you think extensions on Unemployment Insurance are a bad idea. Is that correct?

CURLY RAND: Well the unemployed must accept a wage that's less than he had at his previous job; the unemployed must get back to work.

The issue is bigger than unemployment benefits. As bad as it sounds, ultimately we do have to sometimes accept a wage that's less than we had at our previous job in order to get back to work and allow the economy to get started again, nobody likes that, but it may be one of the tough love things that has to happen.

THE DICK:  Well Oren Hatch has called for drug-testing or some such for all the unemployed.  Here listen to this:

"A lot of people are saying, 'Hey, it's about time. Why do we keep giving money to people who are going to go use it on drugs instead of their families?'" Hatch said.

What are your views on drug testing for the unemployed?

CURLY RAND: And that is not the half of it. I had lunch with Oren recently and he is in favor a HATCH ACT that would compel all the unemployed to wear GPS finders on their ankles and undergo alcohol and drug testing every 12 hours. If they are not present and accounted for at designated times for this testing, they are taken off the doles and all of their cigarettes and condoms confiscated.  And they would have to recite the Pledge of Allegiance (under God) from memory every time they appeared to pick up their checks. And Oren is calling for full body cavity searches for single mothers. (Somebody has got to get in there and find out what is going on Oren told me) That is not what we need in this country. Do you realize that if the minimum wage were lowered to $2.00/hr EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS COUNTRY WOULD BE EMPLOYED. It really is a damnable shame I tell you...

As bad as it sounds, ultimately we do have to sometimes accept a wage that's less than we had at our previous job in order to get back to work and allow the economy to get started again, nobody likes that, but it may be one of the tough love things that has to happen. And that is why I think that unemployment insurance as a federal or state program should be scrapped.

...at this point my recorder ran low on battery power and I decided to just shut the damn thing off. Curly just droned on and on with his talking points when I decided to take another tack as I reached inside of my brief case and clandestinely turned on a spare taping device.

THE DICK: Well this has certainly been enlightening. I knew if I gave you a straight up no-holds-barred interview, the truth would be had.

CURLY RAND: I wish to thank you for this opportunity Dick and maybe we can do this again before I become the junior Senator from Kentucky.

THE DICK: If you have a couple more minutes I would like to you about some ideas tendered by that great politico Sue Lowden from Nevada. Ms. Lowden as proffered some of her own ideas concerning health care in this country and I wonder if you could comment. As a physician for many years you might have an interesting take on those comments. Ms. Lowden suggested a 'barter' system for health care and I wondered if you ever accepted chickens in payment for a cataract surgery or for corrective laser treatment on the eyes?

THE DICK: Yes, it seems that money is not worth the paper it's printed on.

CURLY RAND:  You can say that again!!

THE DICK: Yes, it seems that money is not worth the paper it's printed on.

CURLY RAND: Well most economists know that our current economic system is in dire straits.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo-J1wf2KHc

And the fact of the matter is that I have accepted some fowl in exchange for my services in the past.

THE DICK: Is that a fact?

CURLY RAND: Now I don't mean chicken dinners or anything like that. We came up with a way to preserve the value of those services in a manner that Federal Reserve Notes just don't. I mean there still are a lot of farmers in the Great State of Pennsylvania you know.  We have developed a far more sophisticated system that that.

hfoghornbe.com/watch?v=Gx98pskffOY

People do not realize that the chicken population of the world is almost 16 billion. Not million but BILLION. That's almost 2 ½ chickens for every man, woman and child on the   planet.  Chickens mean something. I mean you can hold a chicken. You can cook and eat a chicken. I mean the chicken is real!!!  The dollar, on the other hand, is paper...just plain paper stamped as authoritative by the Federal Reserve.

So we have come up with the chicken sheet.  A note created pursuant to the Uniform Commercial Code with all the fixins and stuff.  My Certification Panel is in charge of this currency. You recall that I became upset over the American Association of Ophthalmologists and so I set up my own Certification Panel. Any eye doctor in this great nation can send the Panel (as we like to refer to it) a check for $2,000.00 and the Panel certifies you as an expert in your field. Of course you must send us a copy of your Medical License as well as your graduation picture. 

THE DICK:  Well how exactly does the currency work, in layman terms Doctor?

CURLY RAND:  Well with over the last few years, members of my Certification Panel go out into the field, so to speak, and count each client's chickens. After the raw data is compiled in our offices, Chicken Sheets are issued to each farmer for the month.

Each Chicken Sheet represents 1,000 chickens. So lets say that Farmer brown needs cataract surgery in his right eye (the left eye presents more problems due to the angle of the ophthalmology chair). Well Farmer Brown will receive that surgery with no intervention from Medicare or Medicaid or BCBS for only six chicken sheets. If he would like anesthesia, he will need an extra two chicken sheets. It is so simple and I mean this chicken sheet MEANS SOMETHING.

THE DICK: Well how do you then cash in all this chicken sheet?

CURLY RAND: That is the beauty of it all. I rarely ever cash in a chicken sheet. I trade them. It is kind of like Sam's Club or the Happy Hookers Associations all over this nation.  Although, come to think of it I did cash in two thousand sheets when the RNC needed two thousand chickens for a $10,000 a plate dinner.

THE DICK: THE HAPPY HOOKERS ASSOCIATION?

CURLY RAND: Now let us not get tangled up in some irrelevant thread here Dick. Now for instance, I just purchased a car for my daughter. Sam Thoms runs a great dealership just outside of Pittsburg. We bartered a bit and he sold me a 1989 Cadillac for seven chicken sheets. Now I followed this up and good old Sam took that chicken sheet down to the wharf and purchased two of those Asian car thingies...I forget what you call them. Is it Horndai....oh well then he proceeded to sell those cars for twelve chicken sheets to two farmers up the road. 

THE DICK; But what if there is a chicken plague like a bird flu or even a

CURLY RAND: Well there is always the latest Fowl Temper shot. Hahahhahah. Look Dick, there will always be a rancid rooster in the bunch. I have had my share of those. But look at the bright side. The IRS took after me last year so I just sent them fifteen thousand real chickens. Hahahahaha. The word is that they will not even attempt to audit me for the next decade!!!!

CURLY RAND:  Pretty soon we will have America dancing the chicken dance!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdFIXsrjkXI

Now that is what I call Chicken Sheet!!!