Sir Tristan and Sir Quinn were now three days from The Wall, happy that the sun was out and enjoying the fresh air and aromas of the grasses and flowers.  I mean, they still liked girls and everything. But nonetheless knights on a quest were subject to the wonder of  god's treasures.

When, of a sudden, an elf appeared from the forest and stood in front of the horses.

Sir Tristan and Shiteface I presume the elfin said.

That's Sir Quinn to you. And what, pray tell, is this little bundle of joy up to Tristan?

I have come to show you the way. The way to a new quest full of mystery and intrigue.

We have had much mystery and intrigue, to last a lifetime and more, believe you me little one and besides we are on a quest of sorts. Sent by our King to protect the wall once again. Quinn responded.

Ah, but nothing like what I am about to show you. We must save a Lady of high quality from fates worse than death and battle devils that threaten the land.

All right, you bundle of joy. Lead the way.

And with that, the elf whistled and a pony came from behind the trees. The elf mounted and led the way.

                                    
Where are we going Elfin?

To the hermitage over yonder.

What does Andy Jackson have to do with all this then?

We must speak with the hermit dunderhead. No wonder they call you Shiteface.

They arrived at the hermitage. It was a huge tower which is strange to hermits. And there were many hermits living in this strange complex of sorts.  All these hermits residing in their own little compartments. In their own tiny worlds. The Elfin led the two knights to the second floor.

A lot of steps here, Tristan noted.

It will be centuries before they get the elevators installed. Government bureaucracy you know. The Elfin knocked three times and a strange old man opened the door.

What's this then?, he said looking at Tristan.

I have no idea sir, ask shorty here.

You are Herman, are you not.

Yes, I am Herman of the Hermits. How may I be of service.

We are seeking the elusive Lady Thera, the daughter of the muses Herman. May we come in.

Welcome to my humble abode gentlemen.

The old man was dressed in these colorful pajamas and he led them to the sofa and the bench.

Would you like some tea? It is herbal and is good for what ails ya.

Herman prepared the tea and began:

You seek the Lady Thera, the wisest of those who walk this island. She has been missing for a fortnight and she was here for a short time. Sitting right where you are. I was then informed by a creature of the forest that after she left a couple of evil knights stole her away and are keeping her in a turret of a mighty castle by Willem the Bastard Knight. He is seeking the meaning of life and is keeping the wise Lady unless she reveals the truths of the universe so that he may use these truths for his evil purposes.

The Bastard Knight has trouble focusing. He has a guard of fifty knights.  He thinks that if his head clears he can begin to accumulate more knights into his army and take on the Great Arthur and the Knights of the Roundish Table and crush chivalry whereever it raises its noble head.

The Bastard Knight is worse than the now deceased King Badegrumpus and the King of the Hundred Knights; hell he is even worse than daytime television.

But, if I may be so bold to inquire. What are the assets that this Lady Thera carries with her. Why is it so important that she be saved, that the realm depends upon this? Quinn inquired.

Thera was there for the newbie, the new persona who dared to come out of the dark and attempt to be heard. The quiet person who had been quieted all his life and who decided that it was time to declare who he was and why he might count for something. The hermit who shunned society as he had been shunned. The shut in who wanted to express his ideas in the face of a new world where everyone and no one could be heard.

This daughter of the goddesses came down to the less fortunate. The Lady worked with those who had the problems with their head, with their minds, with their souls. Lady Thera would say, you are worth something, you have value, not just as a human being but as someone who has experiences that have value to others. That someone can learn FROM YOU. AND ONLY YOU.

Thera never questioned your religion or your Pelagean heresy or your Moorish values. Never.

We have problems Thera would say. You know, Thera is the name of the earth goddess. The very substance from whence we all came. Thera could see the truths in the Bible, in the Torah, in the Qoran, in Hesiod's Ways....Thera would not look at you and say, you are a sinner, you must always repent. Thera would ask you how you came to be where you are. And she would listen. And she would question why you feel so laden with sin when you merely acted as a human being attempting to do the right thing in the face of extreme odds.

Handicapped. Thera would donate her time to helping and healing the handicapped while never really appreciating the word. We are all handicapped in one way or another. Let us not look to fault, but to cures, I say. That is what Thera was all about. Is all about. Then her husband became sick, sore and disabled and she was there for him. But she maintained herself so that she could continue her works of charity and love for others.

And sometimes, the evil ones would pray upon her like the devil attempted to prey upon Lancelot.

They would make the white look black and the good look the evil and the bright look the dark.

Thera was the symbol of chivalry.

And what didst the shield of Arthur look like? What image represented Arthur's true quest? It was the vision of the Mother of God.

Thera knew that we carry the sacred within us and that we must look into our own souls to find that sacred and eschew the profane.

Please, help us honorable knights. And seek the sacred.

His castle is twenty miles from here and lies upon a hill. You can't miss it because as you enter his realm there appears of statue of the Goddess of the Hundred Arms. Do not peer too closely at this visage for many have been turned into stone by becoming enrapt by her form.

Thank you for that information, said the elfin. Thank you for the tea. We must now begin the Quest.

And with that the two and a half men left the turret and mounted their steeds-well two steeds and a pony if you are counting.  Tristan pulled out his lyre and broke into song:

Thera, Thera,
Storms are brewing in the skies
Thera, Thera
This time is the best time to try

And find Thera, Thera
Where have you been taken
Thera Thera
You will not be forsaken

Come now,
We are looking for the Lady Fine,
We shall move on,
We must get to her in good  time,
We'll never find another Lady like you,
For happy endings We come as two,
We're fire and ice,
And our dreams will come true

(Chorus)

Thera, Thera,
Storms are brewing in the skies,
Thera, Thera
No time is a good time for goodbye

Danger,
In the game when the stakes are high,
Candid,
Her heart was Candid while others stood by,
We'll never find another lady like you,
For happy endings it takes two,
With fire and ice,
A dream won't come true

(Chorus)

Thera, Thera,
Storms are brewing in the skies,
Thera, Thera
No time is a good time for goodbye

What the hell are we going to do when we get there Sir Tristan? I mean I did witness the end of a dragon and the specter of a bone monster, I had to lead an ale swigging crew through the countryside, over hills and through the dales, deal with marshes and sink holes, all manner of beasts that got in the way. But methinks this is a quest above and beyond my meager talents.

Tristan blesses himself and responds: Shiteface, I was a bard in an Irish court in my youth. I knew not of arms and the man except through Virgil and by witnessing the jousts. And then I was sent to knight school and learned the things you quickly picked up at Camelot. And you have participated in the jousts and have come out all right.

We are after all only mere mortals. All of us. Except for maybe Lancelot. But how often does a Lancelot come along or a Michael Jordon or a Tiger Woods. We mere mortals do have one thing going for us though. We know that we are usually dealing with other mere mortals