The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age
    acanuck's picture

    Whup-ass: a question

    By acanuck on Wed, 04/29/2009 - 6:45pm |

    Something's been bugging me lately. It's this:

    Why does whup-ass only come in those huge cans? I understand that's it's more economical, but it's also really wasteful. And probably leaves a big carbon footprint. Why hasn't somebody come up with the idea of selling mini-portions? Or at least quart-size containers?

    But no. If you listen to the ads, you're encouraged every damn time to open up a brand-new huge can of whup-ass. Like you, the back of my fridge is stuffed with jars of the leftover stuff. It's not like it ever goes bad, right?

    Just another sign of the overconsumption we've allowed Madison Ave. to foist upon us. It makes me so mad, I want to ... no, wait, I see what they're doing. They almost had me again.

    Comments

    Re-heating your leftover whup-ass just doesn't have the same ring to it.

    "I'm going to re-heat the leftover can of whup-ass that I economically apportioned on a previous occasion, which I can assure you was most fierce indeed.  Hey, did you turn off the lights in the other room?  No one's even in there right now."


    by DF on Wed, 04/29/2009 - 9:40pm

    I would think getting slapped around with a cold slab of left-over whoop-ass would be much more demeaning.

    Not even worth a whole new can of whoop-ass? Ouch.


    by elliottness on Wed, 04/29/2009 - 10:38pm

    I always use the whole can of whup-ass in one overwhelming attack. Shock and awe, baby.

    by Orlando on Wed, 04/29/2009 - 11:00pm

    Do you know where whup-ass comes from? They milk it from goats that spend their lives cooped up in a pens smaller than manhattan apartments. It's inhuman. That's why I only buy organic, free-range whup-ass from local farms in the Bronx. The organic stuff whups better too.


    by Michael Wolraich on Thu, 04/30/2009 - 1:16am

    So regular whup-ass is not only wasteful but also cruel to animals? I never suspected. Thanks for the heads-up, Genghis.

    I headed out first thing today to look for an eco-friendly alternative, and may have found just the thing at my local supermarket. It comes in handy 7-ounce aerosol cans, so you use as little or as much as you need. It's all-natural (except for the nitrous oxide propellant), untested on animals, and -- as a bonus -- low in calories. Something called Reddi-whup.

    The container doesn't mention its use for ass-whupping, but the girl at the counter assured me that, yes, it can be applied to the ass -- and numerous other body parts she listed -- with highly satisfactory results. Can't wait to try it.

    Hey, where's Deadman? He should check this stuff out.


    by acanuck on Thu, 04/30/2009 - 1:13pm